Fancy Fast Food (a food humor blog)

Osso BuKko (Fancy BK Fire-Grilled Ribs)by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 11:14:00 -0400

Osso BuKko (Fancy BK Fire-Grilled Ribs)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with some support from Lana Price)

Let’s face it: as authentic as Burger King claimed their limited-time-only “Fire-Grilled Ribs” to be, they didn’t exactly look pretty. Sure they looked amazing on the commercial with the magic of television, and on the posters with the magic of photography, but out of the box they just looked sloppy, like they were defective rawhide dog bone chew treats. (No offense to companies out there that make rawhide dog bone chew treats.)

We here at the Fancy Fast Food kitchen wanted to work a little magic of our own and transform the King’s legitimate ribs into something more legit-looking. Given that these fast food ribs did in fact come on the bone (unlike that on-again/off-again limited-time-only sandwich at the Golden Arches), we decided to make an osso bucco, that Italian dish where bones — and the marrow inside — are a part of the recipe, if not the most significant ingredient since the Italian name literally translates to “bone hole.” How much marrow we would actually get out of these “B-holes” was indeterminable, but the ending visual sure looked fancy — in the end, it’s all about how good it looks, remember?

Ingredients (from Burger King):

1 order of BK Fire-Grilled Ribs (6)
1 order of Onion Rings
1 order of French Fries
1 Garden Salad
1 medium Dr. Pepper (with ice)
packets of barbecue sauce and ketchup

First things first: strain the Dr. Pepper into a saucepan, saving the ice for a later use. Bring the Dr. Pepper to a boil so that it starts reducing; that carbonated prune juice flavor will be the base of our makeshift osso bucco sauce.

While that’s going, prepare the other ingredients: debread the onion rings and expose them for their onion mush extrusion; these will be the onions in the sauce. Chop the baby carrots and the stalky parts of the lettuce from the salad. Slice the cherry tomatoes into halves.

Once the Dr. P has reduced to a syrupy consistency, add in the barbecue sauce and ketchup and stir. Add in the onions, carrots, and chopped greens, followed by all the ribs. Reduce the saucepan to a low heat and let the whole stew simmer covered for 10-20 minutes. It is during this time that some of the marrow in the ribs’ bones should magically ooze out into the sauce; how much really depends on how stubborn those bone holes want to be. B-holes!

Melt some ice back into water and use it in the magic food processor to blend the french fries into a mashed potato consistency. Scoop some potato onto the center of a fancy plate; this will be the bed for your stewed ribs. Finish the plating by garnishing the dish with some sauce, cherry tomatoes, and some finely-chopped lettuce from the salad (the darker leaves). Presto! The King’s ribs are now “Osso BuKko” and they look better than they did on television! How’s that for magic?

Fancy Fast Food creator Erik Trinidad was recently on an episode of Masterclash, a guy-centric web talk show on AOL’s Asylum.com, discussing the world of fast food. (This is the second segment out of a three-segment episode about fast food.):

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken Cordon Deux (Fancy KFC Double Down)by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:40:00 -0400

Chicken Cordon Deux (Fancy KFC Double Down)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

So everyone’s up in arms about KFC’s Double Down, this summer’s sandwich sensation “so meaty, there’s no room for the bun!” Fast foodies praise its inventiveness, while nutrition and health advocates condemn its use of fatty fried chicken in lieu of bread — but is it really that bad or even that ingenious? Think about it; take away KFC’s gimmicky breadless marketing campaign and the Double Down is not that different from Chicken Cordon Bleu, an established and well-respected recipe from the gourmet chefs of the famous eponymous French culinary institution. And of course, everyone knows everything in France is fancy, especially when it’s spelled and pronounced “bleu” instead of “blue.”

When you break it down, are the Double Down and Chicken Cordon Bleu not both dishes with melted cheese and pig meat surrounded by chicken that is breaded before frying or baking? Rather than transform a fast food dish into something completely different this time, let’s prove this point:

Ingredients (from KFC):

1 KFC Double Down sandwich (cripsy)
1 beverage of your preference
organic French tarragon (for that extra touch of irony)

As simple as this recipe may sound, a lot of thought went into the creation of it; we here at the Fancy Fast Food kitchen experimented with eight Double Downs before we got it right. (That’s sixteen downs!) We first approached it in the traditional way, rolling sliced fillets of chicken around the bacon and cheese like a roulade, but with the chicken fillets already cooked, it didn’t stick too well together with the available ingredients — even when rolling it in plastic wrap. We tried grinding the chicken down, thinking it would stick together better in the roll, but it would always fall apart. We tried it with aluminum foil, and by molding the roll manually with the filling inside, but nothing would stick. Finally we decided that if we couldn’t physically wrap chicken around the bacon and cheese, we’d approach it the opposite way and stuff the filling into the chicken.

To start, let the sandwich cool down so that the insides aren’t melted and sticky, then remove the cheese and bacon from the “buns” of fried chicken. (Traditionally, Chicken Cordon Bleu has ham and swiss cheese, but we’re going to improvise with the Colonel’s recipe of bacon and Monterey Jack.) Take one of the two fried chicken breasts and slice the skin and breading off of one side (the long way) to expose a face of white meat chicken. Do the same to the other piece. Now when they are stacked with the white meat faces touching each other, it forms one thick piece of breaded chicken. So meaty!

To “fill” the chicken, carve a groove in the center across the span of each chicken breast — being careful not to cut all the way through to the breaded side — so that there’s a channel with enough room for the cheese and bacon. Make sure the two grooves match up in the middle when the chicken is restacked, so you have a “hole.”

Stack the chicken breasts with the filling inside and then nuke it for about twenty seconds — long enough for the cheese to melt. Then slice your Chicken Cordon Deux into bite-sized amuse-bouche (that sounds fancy) and garnish with an ironic French tarragon leaf each. Serve with your beverage in fancy wine glassses and voila! Chicken Cordon Deux! It may be more or less the same thing, but doesn’t the word “deux” just make it sound fancier than “double down?”

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Coq Au CheerVin (Fancy Bojangles’)by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 21 May 2010 14:00:00 -0400

Coq Au CheerVin (Fancy Bojangles’)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with assistance from Jessica Bellamy and Lilit Marcus, using items from a fast food chain suggested by Bon Appétit’s Andrew Knowlton)

If you’re a hungry carnivore spending any amount of time in the Carolinas, you will undoubtedly be stuffing your face with signature dishes like Carolina pulled pork or deliciously greasy fried chicken. And while you may enjoy an ice cold Carolina Pale Ale with your meal, the most cheerful way to wash it all down is with a nice glass of Carolina-born Cheerwine. For all you Yankees who aren’t privy to this sweet southern concoction, Cheerwine is a sweet and bubbly cherry soda unlike any other, with a deep burgundy color resembling a fine Pinot Noir. Cheerwine is a popular soft drink in the south that is more “cheer” than “wine” (and more “cherry” than “cheer”), but we’re going to pretend it’s that Pinot — it looks like that when you pour it into fancy stemware anyway.

What better way to pair a Carolina dish with Carolina Cheerwine than to fuse them together in a mock recipe for Coq Au Vin — that French dish where chicken is braised in red wine? And so, we present the Fancy Fast Food recipe for “Coq Au CheerVin” (pronounced kohk oh sheer vaehn’ if you want to sound all Frenchy):

Ingredients (from NC-based fried chicken chain Bojangles’):

1 two-piece Fried Chicken Dinner (leg & thigh) with:
1 Biscuit
1 side of Cole Slaw
1 side of Dirty Rice
1 side of Green Beans
1 large Cheerwine
packets of salt, pepper, and hot sauce

First, let’s get the pretend-Pinot-Noir Cheerwine simmering; pour the liquid in a saucepan — saving some to pair with your meal afterwards — and bring it to a boil. In lieu of the unavailable ingredients for a proper coq au vin (mushrooms, onions, lardons), we are going to spice our stew with our packets of salt, pepper, and hot sauce.

Next, slice the biscuit in two, and bake it in a pre-heated oven at 400º until it becomes hard and crusty, like your grandpa who’s still mad at General Sherman. Let it cool before pulverizing it down into bread crumbs with a blender or food processor. We will use this to coat our chicken pieces as well as add a little thickness to the stew since it is entirely made of starch and fat.

Skin the two pieces of chicken, and then bread them with the breadcrumbs in a big mixing bowl. Once they are coated, drop them into the saucepan and let them stew for a while, until the meat absorbs all of the red cheery and cherry goodness.

In the meantime, rinse the cole slaw and add it to the dirty rice so you can stop referring to it as “dirty,” and start calling it rice pilaf. Arrange the cut green beans on a plate back into the form of the whole string beans they came from, and only refer to them as haricots verts from now on.

Finally, plate your fancy dish: add the Coq Au CheerVin chicken pieces to the pilaf and haricots verts, along with some sauce. And remember to pour some of the remaining CheerVin in a wine glass… Clink! Finally something a little classy to serve during that next Carolina/Duke game!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Soniccian Borscht (Fancy Sonic)by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with...

Wed, 21 Apr 2010 13:00:00 -0400

Soniccian Borscht (Fancy Sonic)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Ralph and Nata Trinidad)

Unbeknownst to most of the world is the tiny Eastern European nation of Soniccia, a country whose traditions have carried on through the ages, even before the bleak days of the Soviet Union. So small that it is barely mentioned as a former Soviet republic, Soniccia strives to sustain a unique national identity in the post-Cold War era, much like its sibling nations — including Latvia, Ukraine, and Georgia. This distinction of national identity is most evident in Soniccian cuisine; while other former Soviet republics’ variations of the staple, beet-based soup of borscht remain in the savory category, Soniccia’s palate is bit more on the sweet side.

Ingredients (from Sonic):

2 large Cherry Limeades
2 orders of Apple Slices
1 Fresh Banana (from the Everyday Value Menu)
1 Vanilla Dish (ice cream)

Obtaining the above ingredients isn’t quite as easy as it is in most parts of the modern Western World. Soniccian culture still hasn’t evolve from some of its former Soviet routines; one can not simply buy these fast food goods off the shelf or by ordering them from a person behind a counter. Instead you must order the items the old-fashioned way, by pushing a button on an antiquated intercom system while inside your vehicle. (At certain times during the day, there are often long waits in a long queue of other vehicles.) This ordering process is prevalent in Soniccia; even if you wish to go on foot and walk to the food establishment to buy goods, you must still push a button and order from the old intercom system. Only when your order is confirmed over the speaker does a person bring you your items — sometimes (but not always) using vintage roller skates from the early 20th century. Present day Soniccia is truly a unique nation with its cultural idiosyncracies.

Anyway, once you have the ingredients and bring them home, you can start preparing the borscht. First, strain the two cherry limeades to extract and pour the red liquid into two separate pieces of cookware: a saucepan and a non-stick skillet. Save the wedges of lime as you will use them for garnish later. Bring both the saucepan and skillet to a boil with high heat. While waiting for them to start bubbling, prepare the other items.

Slice the apple wedges with a sharp knife, following the curve of each apple wedge’s shape when it’s laying flat on a cutting board. (This will make them resemble shreds of cabbage.) Once you have a favorable amount of apple shreds, add them to the boiling pot of cherry limeade. Reduce to a low heat and let it simmer, allowing the apples to absorb the dark red color.

The contents of the skillet should boiling by now, but let it continue to boil, uncovered. This will eventually be reduced down to a thick red syrup. In the meantime, slice the bananas into smaller chunks. When the red syrup is ready, infuse the banana with it so that the chunks resemble beets.

The Soniccian borscht is almost ready for plating, but first let’s prepare the all-important green garnish. Slice the rinds off the lime wedges you saved from before and then chop them into smaller pieces.

Finally, assemble your sweet Soniccian delicacy: ladle out the apple-stewed soup into a fancy bowl and then add some beet-looking banana chunks. Instead of serving it with sour cream as they do in Russia and Poland, add a dollop of vanilla ice cream, and then garnish the top with the chopped lime zest. And there it is! Perfect for a hot summer day, whether you are in Eastern Europe or not!

NOTE: In case you hadn’t figured it out, this mock recipe is a work of fiction; the country of Soniccia doesn’t actually exist, and Sonic, “America’s Drive-In,” isn’t necessarily a part of, or endorse anything related to the former Soviet Union, Communism — or the Republican opinion of Obama’s healthcare plan, for that matter.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Long John Ceviche (Fancy Long John Silver’s)by Erik of...

Wed, 24 Mar 2010 14:28:00 -0400

Long John Ceviche (Fancy Long John Silver’s)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Elaine Acosta and Katy Garibay)

Avast, me hearties! Aye, there be no fast food chain that makes ye want to talk like a pirate more than Long John Silver’s — even if ye be walkin’ de plank. However, we are going to class up their pirate-themed fried seafood fare, and style a fancy ceviche dish that will appease the eyes of any landlubber.

Ingredients (from Long John Silver’s):

1 Two Fish and Eight Shrimp Platter
1 side order of corn*
1 side order of coleslaw*
1 soft drink of your choice
a strip of organic lime zest (for garnish and a touch of irony)

(*may come in a container of a partnered Yum! Brands restaurant, like KFC)

This Fancy Fast Food mock recipe is fairly straightforward; the first step is to shave all the fried breading off the shrimp and the fish. Once the fish fillets are exposed, chop them into small bite-sized morsels. Do the same with five of the eight shrimp, making sure you cut off and discard the tails as well. Put all the seafood morsels in a mixing bowl, rinse the cole slaw, and then add it in along with the corn.

A proper Ecuadorean/Peruvian ceviche is prepared with raw fish “cooked” in a marinade of acidic citrus juices (which reduce the bacteria). Raw fish isn’t exactly available to order at Long John Silver’s, but they do have lemon juice packets. Add to the bowl plenty of lemon juice, as well as a few packets of malt vinegar to taste, and mix it all up with a rubber spatula. You can marinate this concoction in the fridge overnight if you want, but hey, this is a mock recipe that’s all about looks, so you don’t necessarily need to bother. (Also, the fish has already been “cooked” in a “marinade” of frying oil.)

Finally, let’s get fancy with the plating and serve our Long John Ceviche in a martini glass. Scoop out enough of the fishy mix to fill the glass just under the rim, and then garnish the top with the three remaining shrimp. Curl the strip of ironic lime zest, and now you have — shiver me timbers! — a gourmet-looking ceviche that looks good enough to eat. Remember to ring the bell, if ye did well! Yarrr…

Apparently, Fancy Fast Food was featured on German national television (without any prior consultation with us here at FFF). No matter; the Fancy Fast Foodie community alerted us, and so without further ado, here is that video from the popular Galileo science show on the Pro7 network. (It’s amusing to hear a bunch of words in German interspersed with the phrase “Faahncy Faahst Foohd.” (Thanks to Viktoria Buchcik for the alert, and Gorg from Maskworld.com for the video export. Dankeschön!) :

Click here for PART 2.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of...

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 07:23:00 -0500

Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

So everyone’s up in arms about this whole food movement thing, huh? Supermarkets and restaurants are all on this kick to be more sustainable, natural, and organic — even fast food chains are jumping on the bandwagon. One of the chains leading the charge is Chipotle (Mexican Grill), whose self-proclaimed “F.W.I. (Food With Integrity)” philosophy drives them to buy items only from environmentally- and natural-conscious farms. However, no matter how much effort they put in behind the scenes and strive for sustainable ingredients, the end result still looks like plain ol’ fast food. This is where Fancy Fast Food comes in…

Ingredients (from Chipotle Mexican Grill):

1 burrito with grilled chicken, fresh tomato salsa, cheese and lettuce (no rice or beans)
1 condiment cup of tomatillo-red chili salsa
1 soft drink of your choice
organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, unwrap the burrito, stuffed with all that Food With Integrity, and then separate the ingredients: tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, and grilled chicken. Chipotle founder Steve Ells prides himself on serving food that isn’t processed, but now it’s time to get processin’…

Put the chicken in a food processor and grind it down to a paste-like substance that we can stuff into raviolis. We’ll need to make the raviolis by hand, starting by rinsing the empty tortilla. Then, using a ravioli stamp, cut out the first piece of “pasta.”

Scoop out a small amount of ground chicken and place it on top of the tortilla where you will cut out the other side. Place the first side on top and then cut through to the other side with the ravioli stamp. Pinch the edges of the ravioli closed with your fingers to seal in the chicken. (The tortilla should still be moist enough from the rinsing that it should fuse easily.)

Repeat this ravioli-making process until you have enough, or until you run out of tortilla.

To make a spicy sauce (with integrity), chop the tomatoes down to a pulp, and then add it to the tomatillo-red chili salsa and mix well. While you’re at it, chop the lettuce down into small pieces to use as a garnish.

Finally, plate your meal and make it fancy: carefully place the raviolis on a nice-looking plate, top it with the sauce you made, the chopped lettuce, and some cheese. Garnish it with ironic basil leaves and voila! It’s F.F.W.F. (Fast Food With Fanciness)!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Paella Yoshinolla (Fancy Yoshinoya) by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 09:14:00 -0500

Paella Yoshinolla (Fancy Yoshinoya) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

This Valentine’s Day, spice up your gastronomic love life with a little shichimi-togarashi (Japanese seven spice chili powder) — you can find some at the Japanese-imported fast food chain Yoshinoya! And while you’re at the The Original Beef Bowl eatery, you might as well pick up some items to tweak à la Fancy Fast Food and make a romantic-looking dinner — assuming you don’t mind giving that special someone the gift of acid reflux. (Better tell Cupid to pack the Tums.)

Ingredients (from Yoshinoya):

1 Beef Short Rib and Chicken Plate
1 Grilled Shrimp Bowl
1 miso soup
1 chicken vegetable soup
1 side order of steamed vegetables
2 condiment cups of shichimi-togarashi (seven spice chili powder)
2 condiment cups of beni shoga (pickled ginger)
2 soft drinks of your choice

For this romantic-looking dinner, we are going to be inspired not by Japan, but by Spain — the passionate and amorous country that brought us the sensuous dance of flamenco and the aphrodisiacal delicacy of paella. In fact, we are going to fake a paella from our Yoshinoya ingredients.

First, take all the rice from your bowls and plates and spread it evenly at the base of a pan. Add the broth from the soups and simmer over a low heat. Then collect all your vegetables from the bowls and plates and add those to the stewing mixture as well.

Since we don’t have the traditional coloring spice of saffron, we are going to spice things up with the colorful Japanese chili powder. Distribute it evenly so that it infuses with all the rice and broth, and stir — it will look like you are actually making a real paella (convincing enough for any request to “kiss the cook.”)

There are as many styles of paella as there are types of fillings in a box of chocolate bon-bons, and for this “yoshinolla” version we’re going to add chicken, shrimp, and chorizo. Of course we don’t actually have Spanish sausage, so we’ll have to improvise and cut the beef short ribs into sliced sausage shapes. Slice the chicken while you’re at it, and butterfly the shrimp. Chances are you’re not getting the freshest shrimp money can buy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Transfer the rice to a proper paella pan and garnish the top with your three meats, as well as some strips of pickled ginger for an additional splash of color. Then break out the candles or turn the lights low to set the mood. Pour your beverages in fancy wine glasses and tada!: a romantic-looking Valentine’s dinner for you and your loved one. It should go without say that it’s probably not going to be the best tasting “paella” you’ve had since you faked it — and faking it in the kitchen might lead to faking it in another room in the house — so make sure you have some backup reservations somewhere…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Beef Strog ‘n Off (Fancy Steak ‘n Shake) by Erik of...

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:57:00 -0500

Beef Strog ‘n Off (Fancy Steak ‘n Shake)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Bill Massey

Cold winter got you down? Warm up as the Russians do — with a little old-fashioned Beef Stroganoff — before attempting to make this fake, albeit fancy version of it.

Ingredients:

2 Grilled Portobello ‘n Mushroom Steakburgers
1 Classic Vanilla Milk Shake
1 side order of onion rings
1 side order of cottage cheese
organic dill weed (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, remove all the mushrooms and onions from the steakburgers. Since we have a side of onion rings, we might as well debread those and add those to the pile as well. Take them all and start stir frying them up on a skillet. Next, take the beef patties and chop them into smaller bite-sized pieces. Add those to the skillet as well.

Stroganoff is traditionally made with sour cream, but due to the lack of that one important ingredient, we are going to improvise. It’s Steak ‘n Shake after all, and we’ve already added the steak to the skillet — so why not add the shake? It sort of looks like sour cream, and if you didn’t already figure it out, this site is all about the looks, folks. The melted ice cream is obviously not sour, which is why cottage cheese should be added to the mix as well. Mush and smooth out the cottage cheese curds, and let the whole thing simmer on a low heat.

To make the noodles, let’s start by converting the buns back into dough: break apart pieces of the bread and put them in a food processor. Add a little shake or cottage cheese whey to give it a little liquid, and then blend. You now have a wad of dough that you can knead, fold, roll, and run through a pasta maker with the fettuccine attachment.

Put your freshly made pasta in the center of a fancy bowl, and then mix in your beef Strog ‘n Off concoction. Garnish with ironic dill and serve — hopefully your stomach will be “strong enough.” Chances are this dish will not exactly sit well with you on a cold winter day, which is why you could also just do another thing the Russians do, and get yourself a shot of vodka. Na zdorovia!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Honey Apple Glazed Christmas Holiday Ham(-burger)(Fancy BK Quad...

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:05:00 -0500

Honey Apple Glazed Christmas Holiday Ham(-burger)
(Fancy BK Quad Stackers & Croissan’wiches)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Jarrod Spillers

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring… except for the Fancy Fast Food Chef stirring apple filling and honey mustard in a saucepan for a traditional Christmas dish!

We are talking about the traditional holiday ham, the centerpiece at many a Christmas dinner, which is unfortunately an item that fast food restaurants don’t sell (the whole ham anyway), so we’ll have to get creative as usual. First let’s make a list and check it twice, and find out which ingredients are naughty or nice:

Ingredients (from Burger King):

8 BK Quad Stackers
3 Double Croissan’wiches (each with double ham and no cheese)
1 BK Kids Meal (with Burger Shots and a FurReal Friends toy)
3 Dutch Apple Pies
3 juiceboxes of apple juice
1 Garden Salad (with honey mustard dressing)

(They’re all naughty.)

First, marvel at the fact that you just purchased eight BK Quad Stackers. Do the math: 8 x 4 = 32 patties of greasy goodness. Stack them high — it’s like Jenga, but with meat!

The stack is obviously too big and tall to put in a food processor all at once, so cut it all down into smaller pieces. Then put some chunks of all the beef, bacon and cheese in a food processor, and push the magic button. Repeat this process until all the meat is ground up, and collect it all in a big mixing bowl.

You now have a wad of meat and filler that you can mold into whatever you want — a meatloaf, a snowman, a life-sized figure of Baby Jesus if you want — but we will remain focused and mold it into a ham. Once you have the ham shape, score the back in a diagonal grid as cooks often do with real hams. To continue the façade of an actual baked ham, sear the outside with a kitchen torch.

What you have now almost looks like a ham, so start slicing it like one. It should be no surprise that once the knife carves out the first slice, there is no ham inside. This is where breakfast comes in.

Take all the ham out of your Croissan’wiches and fit slices over the side of your wad of meat. Use toothpicks to keep them from falling, then pinch the edges so the meat wad and ham slice look seamless. Place the additional slices of ham in front of your creation and pretend that it was all carved from the same place. If you can believe in Santa Claus, you can believe this.

The final touch is the glaze. Bring all the apple juice to a boil in a non-stick skillet and start to reduce it down. Add in the apple filling from the pies, and then the packet of honey mustard from the salad. Stir it on the night before Christmas, or whenever it’s convenient for you. Once it’s all blended together, brush the glaze over your mock ham.

Finally, the plating: place your ham-like creation on top of a bed of lettuce on a fancy white platter. Garnish the sides with tomatoes, carrots, and more honey apple glaze. Look at it with awe; it’s a Christmas miracle!

To go a step even further, take your BK Kids Meal FurReal Friends toy and make it into an ornament. Roll a straw wrapper into string and loop it around the doll. Looks great on a tree!

Now have a Merry Christmas and a Fancy New Year!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Bubbe Wendy’s Hanukkah Latkes (Fancy Wendy’s Hash...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:40:00 -0500

Bubbe Wendy’s Hanukkah Latkes (Fancy Wendy’s Hash Browns)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Lilit Marcus of Jewcy and Save The Assistants

Hey everybody, it’s Hanukkah! It’s Chanuka! No matter how you spell it, it’s time for the Jewish festival of lights — eight crazy nights of dreidels gone wild, a time when latkes are as abundant as old yentas around a mahjongg table. But you don’t need to be Jewish to partake in Hanukkah traditions, particularly the gastronomic treat of latkes (or lattkes). No matter how you spell it, “latkes” is Yiddish for fried pancakes, typically of the potato variety — making it oddly similar to McDonald’s hash browns. However, Bubbe Wendy has guilted us into using her Fancy Fast Food recipe (“If you just want to use McDonald’s hash browns, then I guess that’s fine by me…”), so here goes. Oy…

Ingredients (from Wendy’s):

8 orders of hash browns (for the eight nights of Hannukah)
2 baked potatoes (with packets of sour cream and “Buttery-Best Spread”)
2 orders of mandarin oranges
1 small soft drink
1 bottle of water
packets of Sweet & Sour Sauce
packets of sugar
packets of salt and pepper
a pinch of Jewish guilt (may be substituted with Catholic guilt)
organic chives (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Latkes are traditionally served with apple sauce or sour cream. We already have the latter, so we’re going to have to make the apple sauce. Unfortunately, Wendy’s sells no apple products whatsoever, so we’ll have to get creative.

What are apples? They are a kind of fruit that are sometimes sweet, sometimes sour, and so naturally we will start with Sweet & Sour Sauce. To add a fruity pulp to it, we’ll add the mandarin oranges — but that’s fine; Bubbe Wendy moved down to Boca.

Put the manadrin oranges in a food processor and purée them, then strain out the extraneous juice. Mix this pulp in a bowl with the Sweet & Sour Sauce. The color is a bit intense to look like real apple sauce, so scoop out some baked potato (minus any chives) and mix it in — the French call potatoes “pommes de terre” (apples of earth) so we’ll go with it. Mush and whisk it all until it sort of looks like apple sauce; add sugar until it’s as sweet.

Next, the latkes themselves. Take all the mini hash brown nuggets and mush them with your hands. Touching them, you’ll realize they are all too greasy for things to stick together, so we’ll need to make a batter to work as a binding agent.

Put one baked potato, minus the skin, into a food processor and add about a quarter cup of water. Hit purée and voilà: batter! Add this potato batter to your pile of hash browns and mix thoroughly in a bowl. Add salt and pepper as desired.

In a large non-stick skillet, melt a few packets of Wendy’s “Buttery-Best Spread;” there’s enough oil in it for a fry-up. Slice the top of your beverage’s paper cup and use it as a guide when forming the batter into pancakes in the skillet. Fry each evenly on both sides until it becomes crispy and golden brown. Argue with Bubbe Wendy that they do in fact, resemble McDonald’s hash browns now — but let her win the argument; she’ll try and make you feel guilty for never calling her anyway.

You are ready to serve the Hannukah latkes, but wait! You can use your fancy kitchen tools in continued preparation for the holiday: use a fondue fork to clean out the old waxy build-up in your menorah; use a kitchen torch to light the new candles.

Garnish the latkes with organic chives (for that extra touch of irony), and then have a Happy Hannukah, courtesy of Bubbe Wendy and Fancy Fast Food! Now spin those dreidels until we figure out what we’re going to do for Christmas…

Can there be “Peace On Earth” if a mock recipe for a Jewish holiday is paired with a video involving Muslim halal meat? Hell if I know, but we’re going to do it anyway. Here’s the latest video of fast food fancification on the latest episode of Vendr TV:

READ MORE: FFF Creator Erik R. Trinidad’s travel blog on Israel and the Middle East

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce (Fancy...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:06:00 -0500

Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce (Fancy Filet-O-Fish)
by Devon Knight and Jason Isch of Cornerstore Restaurateur

Since BurgerBusiness and Eat Me Daily broke the news about McDonald’s Portugal having a similar “fancy” promo contest — as well as McDonald’s Australia (which FFF creator Erik Trinidad recently brought up in a segment on Australia’s Weekend Today morning show) — we here at Fancy Fast Food have continued to encourage our readers to submit their own recipes and photos of fast food fancifications. Here’s the latest contribution from guest chefs Devon Knight and Jason Isch of Cornerstore Restaurateur, in their words:

Ingredients:

1 Filet-O-Fish sandwich
1 Premium Southwest Salad (with packet of Newman’s Own Southwest Restaurant Dressing)
1 medium soft drink
packets of salt and pepper

Carefully free that little “Alaskan Pollock and/or Hoki” (from Wikipedia) fish filet from its buns. Remove all tartar sauce from the fish and buns, and set it aside. Toast the top half of the bun and set that aside.

Carefully cut the breading off of the fish — but don’t throw the breading out, since we’re going to use it later. Take some time to absorb the fact that yes, McDonald’s does indeed use real fish for their Filet-O-Fish. After star-gazing a while at your quaint fish square, delicately flake the fish apart and place it in a bowl.

Grab that salad and get to dissecting; we’re going to take out the tomatoes, scallions, and a small amount of corn and throw them in the bowl with the flaked fish. GO GREEN! Do yourself a favor and eat some of those greens left behind by your salad dissection.

Take your warm, toned, toasted bun and grind it up in a food processor until it is the consistency of, well, bread crumbs (funny how that works out). Place the bread crumbs in the fish bowl along with a packet of salt and about a half a packet of pepper. Mix all the ingredients in the bowl until it is a sticky, fishy goop. Cut off the bottom of your (empty) soda cup to form a mold for the fish cake, and then put your goop in to mold it.

Take your packet of Southwest salad dressing and strain it into a frying pan over low heat; we want to warm it, not cook it. Take the discarded fish breading and rub it on the bottom of a separate frying pan. The grease from the breading will give you just enough oily coating to sear the fish cake — yummy. Heat the pan until grease is gently smoking, then flip the cake mold over the hot pan and sear the fish cake on both sides.

Finally, the plating: pour the warm salad dressing into a dish and daintily place your fish cake on top. Garnish your little fish puck with some of the contents of your salad.

For this week’s post, the Cornerstore Restaurateur guys made McDonald’s fancy with the above recipe. Meanwhile, Fancy Fast Food creator Erik Trinidad tried to class up the Golden Arches in a different way, with fancy McDonald’s pianist and music composer Andrew Shapiro, in this video shot by food videographer (and “historic gastromonist”) Sarah Lohman:

(While this video has been reviewed and approved by the management of McDonald’s at 160 Broadway NYC, and McDonald’s Corporate PR Department, it does not necessarily reflect or express the views and opinions of the McDonald’s Corporation.)

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Franksgiving Dinner (Fancy Nathan’s, Take Two) by Erik of...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:38:00 -0500

Franksgiving Dinner (Fancy Nathan’s, Take Two) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (using some of his techniques as featured in the November 2009 Wired article by Erica Westly)

Ingredients:

1 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog (with chili)
1 Corn Dog on a Stick
1 order of Crinkle-Cut French Fries
1 small fruit punch
organic chives (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This Thanksgiving, we could have easily gone to Boston Market for a quick, traditional American Thanksgiving meal, but where’s the fun in that?

To get started, use a kitchen torch to sear one side of your corn dog so that it has a few burn marks — not too much, just enough to give the exterior an appearance of being roasted. Then flip the corn dog over and cut an incision so that you can extract about two-thirds of the interior hot dog. With that solid mass removed, you can easily mold the remaining cornbread batter into a shape that resembles that of a turkey leg.

Next, remove the hot dog from its bun, leaving the chili. Scoop the chili into a skillet, and then chop the remaining bun into small pieces. Mix the bun pieces in with the chili — crushing the beans in the process — until it’s blended and looks like stuffing. To make the mashed potatoes, simply stick some fries in a food processor and blend. (Nathan’s fries are inherently moist, so there’s no need to add water.)

To make some faux cranberry sauce, bring the fruit punch to a boil in a non-stick pan until it’s reduced down to a thick red syrup. Toss in some bread pieces to soak up the syrup and make a chunky paste of fruity flavor.

Finally, the plating: place your “turkey leg” and all the sides on a welcoming round plate; garnish the potatoes with organic chives for that extra touch of irony. Now give thanks, and have a Happy Franksgiving!

Fancy Fast Food creator Erik Trinidad discussed this recipe (via Skype) on The Guy Bauer Half Hour, a weekly, live web talk show based out of Chicago:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken with Pineapple Mango Salsa, with Beef & Mushroom...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:47:00 -0500

Chicken with Pineapple Mango Salsa, with Beef & Mushroom Risotto
(Fancy Jollibee)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Slim

Ingredients:

1 two-piece Chickenjoy meal (with rice and gravy)
1 Amazing Aloha Burger
1 Burger Steak (with rice and mushroom gravy)
1 Pandesal with Corned Beef
1 Peach Mango Pie
1 soft drink of your choice
organic Italian parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Canada’s Tim Hortons was the first non-American fast food chain import to be fancified on this food humor blog. This time we go to the Philippines’ big fast food chain Jollibee, with several American locations in New York, Las Vegas and California.

First, skin the breading off the two pieces of fried Chickenjoy, and then cut the meat off the bones into pieces as big as you can get them. (The thigh and drumstick should yield one big piece each.) Next, take the slice of pineapple out of the Amazing Aloha Burger and chop it into small chunks. Chop the lettuce from the burger as well. Slice the Peach Mango Pie laterally to expose the inside, and then scoop out its filling. Mix the three ingredients in a bowl to make the pineapple mango salsa.

Pour the gravy from the Chickenjoy into a skillet, and then add the gravy and mushrooms from the Burger Steak, along with the rice. To make things meatier, add the corned beef hash from the pandesal roll, and then mix it all up under a low heat.

And now, the plating: place the two pieces of chicken next to each other on a fancy white plate, and then top it with the pineapple mango salsa. On the side, place down some beef & mushroom risotto, and garnish with some ironic parsley. Serve the soft drink in a wine glass, of course. And there you have it: chicken, fruit, gravy, mushrooms, rice, luncheon meat and all! It’s a Filipino taste explosion! Masarap!

This dish was created to promote the fundraising event “Luncheon Meet” in New York City, brought to you by food writer Laurel Fantauzzo (New York Magazine, AP), creator of the Park Slope Pork Off. Chefs competed over creating the fanciest dish derived from luncheon meat and Spam. Proceeds at the door benefitted victims of the typhoons in the Philippines.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Carlbonade Flamande (Fancy Carl’s Jr.)by Erik of Fancy...

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:16:00 -0500

Carlbonade Flamande (Fancy Carl’s Jr.)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B., plus Julie L. of Carl’s Jr. (Las Vegas)

Ingredients:

2 Six Dollar Burgers
1 order of fried zucchini
1 order of onion rings
1 large root beer
organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, take the beef patties and onions from the burgers, and add them to rest of the ingredients you’ll be using: the zucchini and the onion rings. Slice the burger into smaller morsels, and take the breading off the fried onion rings. Put the combined onions in a skillet, followed by the Angus beef.

The original recipe that has inspired this one is a Flemish stew from Belgium that uses beer as the base. So, add the root beer to the pan. Let it boil, then simmer for a while so the beer really starts to breakdown and infuse with the meat.

Meanwhile, steam the fried zucchini so that the fried batter loosens up, then expose the green vegetables inside. Use these zucchini slices as garnish when you do the plating: pile your beef and (root) beer carbonade in the center of the white plate, and garnish it on top with a sprig of ironic thyme. Voila! Wonder what Carl would think of this…

Here’s a short, impromptu (and crudely-edited) iPhone video of the ordering process at a Carl’s Jr. in Las Vegas; FFF creator Erik R. Trinidad usually overbuys items when he purchases regional fast food from distant locations, in case he messes up the first time in a fast food “fancification” back home. (Shot on an iPhone 3GS by Chrissy M.)

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Del Spaghetti Arrabbiata (Fancy Del Taco) by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:29:00 -0500

Del Spaghetti Arrabbiata (Fancy Del Taco)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B.

Ingredients:

1 Del Classic Chicken Burrito
1 order of jalapeño rings
1 cup of water
packets of assorted hot sauces
packets of ketchup
organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Here’s a Fancy Fast Food dish that’s fairly simple to make, provided you just so happen to have a handcrank pasta maker around. First, unwrap the burrito and empty the filling. No need to separate the ingredients inside because you are just going take it all and put it in a saucepan with a little bit of water, and place it over a medium heat. Next, add plenty of ketchup and hot sauce from the packets. Del Taco hot sauces come in Mild, Del Inferno, and Del Scorcho; you may use what suits your taste — but keep in mind that “arrabiata” sauce, derived the Italian word for “angry,” was meant to be spicy. To make it even hotter than Scorcho, you can slice up some jalapeño rings, chop them, and add them to the mix. Let the sauce simmer for a while, stirring occasionally.

To make the pasta, rinse the tortilla and then cut the sides off so it has the width of your pasta maker. Crank the tortilla through the pasta cutter’s spaghetti attachment; making Italian spaghetti from Mexican ingredients couldn’t be easier! Pile the resulting pasta on the center of a fancy white plate, and then add the arrabbiata sauce on top. Garnish with ironic basil leaves and presto! Just because you make fast food fancy doesn’t mean you have to skimp on spice!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Beef Wellington, Animal Style (Fancy In-N-Out Burger) by Erik of...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:22:00 -0400

Beef Wellington, Animal Style (Fancy In-N-Out Burger)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B.

Ingredients:

3 In-N-Out Hamburgers, Animal Style
1 order of French Fries
1 cup of fountain water
salt and pepper packets
a sprig of organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Ordering a burger “Animal Style” may not be such a secret, but psst… did you know you can make Beef Wellington out of In-N-Out Burger items? First, take the buns from the three burgers, scrape off all the Animal sauces and toppings, and put them in a food processor. Add a litle bit of water and blend until it becomes a smooth, doughy mush. Using a rubber spatula, spread the mixture onto a large non-stick baking sheet; spread it evenly on the entire sheet. Then put it in a pre-heated oven at 400°F for 5-10 minutes, depending on how moist it is. You’ll know it’s done when it starts to develop a light, flaky crust.

Meanwhile, take all your Animal Style toppings (the lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, sauce, and onions), plus a little salt and pepper to taste, and chop them all together into a chunky, delicious spread. When the flaky crust is done, let it cool for a bit so it’s easy to lift off the pan with a spatula. (Don’t take the crust off the pan yet; just test it.) Use a rubber spatula to evenly distribute a layer of the Animal Style Spread over the crust.

Cut the burger patties into smaller chunks and put them in a food processor. Blend until it’s a consistent ground beef. Using your hands, mold the beef into a small meatloaf in the shape of a nice cut of beef tenderloin, and place it in the center of the baking sheet. Then carefully wrap the loaf with the crust by folding over all sides until it’s completely covered.

Finally, the plating: slice the crusted loaf into serving portions; use two per plate. Mash some potatoes by blending fries in a food processor with a little water, and serve those on the side. Garnish with an ironic sprig of thyme. Tada! Beef Wellington, Animal Style! We’ll keep the secret, if you can…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Sweet Potato Gnocchi (Fancy Burgerville Sweet Potato Fries)by...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:02:00 -0400

Sweet Potato Gnocchi (Fancy Burgerville Sweet Potato Fries)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food varying a recipe suggested by Heather M. of Croqzine

Ingredients:

1 Burgerville Classic Hamburger (or any burger)
1 large order of local sweet potato fries
1 side salad
1 bottle of local water
1 soft drink of your choice
organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Here’s a vegetarian dish from the fresh, local, sustainable ingredient-committed fast food chain Burgerville from the American Pacific Northwest, that’s sure to appease any of the treehugging Fancy Fast Foodies out there. First, let’s get rid of that local 100% Country Natural Burgerville Beef patty from the burger. (Give it to a carnivorous friend, if you will.) Then break apart pieces of the bun and add enough water to make it soggy. Take that slop and add it to a food processor with the Tillamook cheese from the side salad and all of the sweet potato fries. Then blend it all up until it becomes a bowl of local and sustainable mush.

Knead the mush until it’s a good doughy consistency; if it’s too moist and squishy, dry it in the oven at 375°F (baking times will vary, as needed). When it’s good to go, use your hands to roll pieces of the sweet potato dough into small balls about 3/4” in diameter. Then slightly squish each one down into an egg shape with a fork, leaving a nice texture behind.

Chop the fresh greens from the salad and sprinkle them over the gnocchi. Then top it off with a garnish of organic parsley (Is it ironic in this case?), and serve with the soft drink in a nice glass. Tada! See how good these Italian dumplings can look, but are they still bad for you? You be the judge.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chick-sat-A (Fancy Chick-fil-A) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with...

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:05:00 -0400

Chick-sat-A (Fancy Chick-fil-A) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Cheryl T.

Ingredients:

1 order of four Chick-n-Strips
1 order of Waffle Potato Fries
1 Carrot & Raisin Salad
1 Walnut Fudge Brownie
1 soft drink of your choice
packets of various Chick-fil-A dipping sauces
an organic banana leaf (for presentation and a touch of irony)

Here’s a little treat that fuses Southeast Asia with a Southeast American-based fast food chain. First, debread all the Chick-n-Strips to expose the pieces of real chicken breast inside. Rinse the pieces in a colander, and then cut them down into eight smaller pieces.

To get the grill marks, you may fire up an actual hibachi or George Foreman grill, but you can also just fake the grill marks — just like many fast food chains do anyway. Take each morsel of chicken and carve two grooves in each of the sides; these will help define the grill marks when you take a kitchen torch and burn in the dark lines. Afterwards, let the chicken cool down before skewing them with bamboo skewers.

Next, the sauce. Satay is typically served with a peanut sauce, but with the lack of peanuts at Chick-fil-A, we are going to improvise and use walnuts from the Walnut Fudge Brownie. Pick all of them off, and then finely chop them. Blend various dipping sauces into a mixing cup (the darker the better) and then mix in the chopped walnuts. Pour the resulting satay sauce in a small fancy bowl.

Finally, the assembly: cut the banana leaf down to the size and shape of a fancy platter, and then place it down. On top, place the satay sauce and the chicken skewers. Garnish with a Waffle Potato Fry and some Carrot & Raisin Salad, and serve with your beverage in a nice glass. And there you have it! Southeast Asia meets Southeast America in this chicken dish that will sure make you — and the cows — happy.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Penne Grande (Fancy TacoTime)by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with...

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:07:00 -0400

Penne Grande (Fancy TacoTime)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Sean Keaner of BootsnAll.com

Ingredients:

1 dozen (or more) Original Crisp Burritos (with chicken)
1 Casita Burrito
packets of various TacoTime hot sauces
organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

So as long as this blog changes the perception of fast food, we might as well play with the perception of scale (at least this time around, since we’ve misjudged the actual size of TacoTime’s Original Crisp Burritos).

First, diagonally cut each of the Crisp Burritos on both ends, so it resembles the shape of piece of penne pasta. Then, using a chopstick, empty out the chicken filling, saving it for the sauce. Repeat for each of the burritos until all of your “penne grande” is hollowed out. Place the big faux pasta on a big fancy white platter.

Empty the packets of hot sauce — more red ones than green — into a saucepan and bring to a boil. Afterwards, add some of the chicken filling, tomatoes and sour cream from the Casita Burrito. Stir together under a low heat.

Finally, the assembly: spoon the sauce over the penne grande, and then garnish with a big piece of ironic parsley. (When you take a photo, it almost looks like normal-sized pasta, until you put a fork in the picture.) Presto! A dish that makes you wonder: with penne this big, how come they don’t have TacoTimes in Texas?

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken Mole Frostano (Fancy Spicy Chicken Sandwich &...

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:52:00 -0400

Chicken Mole Frostano (Fancy Spicy Chicken Sandwich & Frosty)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, by suggestion of Ray Vazquez (and as seen on ABC’s Nightline)

Ingredients:

1 Spicy Chicken Sandwich
1 small chili
1 Chocolate Fudge Frosty Shake
packets of hot sauce and ketchup
organic mexican cilantro (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Disassemble the Spicy Chicken Sandwich into its elements, saving the lettuce and tomato for garnish. Skin the chicken breast filet, but save some of the spicy breading. Grind the breading down to a powder in a food processor; you will use it as a spice for the sauce later.

While the word mole (rhymes with “olay,” not “bowl”) is merely Mexican Spanish for “sauce” or “concoction,” it has come to be associated with the classic chocolate-based spicy sauce from the Mexican state of Puebla. We will start by using a tomato base from the chili. Using a strainer or a rubber spatula to hold back the solid ingredients from the chili container, pour tomato sauce into a small saucepan. For the chocolate flavor, add about six tablespoons of the Chocolate Fudge Frosty into the mix. Add a few pinches of your pulverized breading spice, then add Hot Chili seasoning sauce and/or ketchup to your liking. Mix it all up under a medium heat, then let it simmer so all the contrasting flavors get fused together.

Take the lettuce from the sandwich — whether it is limp or crispy — and place it in the center of a fancy white plate. Place the skinned chicken breast on top of this bed of lettuce, then generously spoon your mole frostano sauce on top. Garnish this with chopped tomato (from the sandwich), and some chopped Mexican cilantro — the certified organic kind, if you want to add that extra touch of irony. Serve and enjoy! ¡Olé!

This Fancy Fast Food recipe was created on ABC’s Nightline with ABC News correspondent Sharyn Alfonsi and Andrew Knowlton, editor of Bon Appetit magazine and judge on Iron Chef America. (Segment produced by Sarah Rosenberg.) Recap below:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.