Fancy Fast Food (a food humor blog)

Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of...

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 07:23:56 -0500

Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

So everyone’s up in arms about this whole food movement thing, huh? Supermarkets and restaurants are all on this kick to be more sustainable, natural, and organic — even fast food chains are jumping on the bandwagon. One of the chains leading the charge is Chipotle (Mexican Grill), whose self-proclaimed “F.W.I. (Food With Integrity)” philosophy drives them to buy items only from environmentally- and natural-conscious farms. However, no matter how much effort they put in behind the scenes and strive for sustainable ingredients, the end result still looks like plain ol’ fast food. This is where Fancy Fast Food comes in…

Ingredients (from Chipotle Mexican Grill):

1 burrito with grilled chicken, fresh tomato salsa, cheese and lettuce (no rice or beans)
1 condiment cup of tomatillo-red chili salsa
1 soft drink of your choice
organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, unwrap the burrito, stuffed with all that Food With Integrity, and then separate the ingredients: tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, and grilled chicken. Chipotle founder Steve Ells prides himself on serving food that isn’t processed, but now it’s time to get processin’…

Put the chicken in a food processor and grind it down to a paste-like substance that we can stuff into raviolis. We’ll need to make the raviolis by hand, starting by rinsing the empty tortilla. Then, using a ravioli stamp, cut out the first piece of “pasta.”

Scoop out a small amount of ground chicken and place it on top of the tortilla where you will cut out the other side. Place the first side on top and then cut through to the other side with the ravioli stamp. Pinch the edges of the ravioli closed with your fingers to seal in the chicken. (The tortilla should still be moist enough from the rinsing that it should fuse easily.)

Repeat this ravioli-making process until you have enough, or until you run out of tortilla.

To make a spicy sauce (with integrity), chop the tomatoes down to a pulp, and then add it to the tomatillo-red chili salsa and mix well. While you’re at it, chop the lettuce down into small pieces to use as a garnish.

Finally, plate your meal and make it fancy: carefully place the raviolis on a nice-looking plate, top it with the sauce you made, the chopped lettuce, and some cheese. Garnish it with ironic basil leaves and voila! It’s F.F.W.F. (Fast Food With Fanciness)!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Paella Yoshinolla (Fancy Yoshinoya) by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 12 Feb 2010 09:14:00 -0500

Paella Yoshinolla (Fancy Yoshinoya) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

This Valentine’s Day, spice up your gastronomic love life with a little shichimi-togarashi (Japanese seven spice chili powder) — you can find some at the Japanese-imported fast food chain Yoshinoya! And while you’re at the The Original Beef Bowl eatery, you might as well pick up some items to tweak à la Fancy Fast Food and make a romantic-looking dinner — assuming you don’t mind giving that special someone the gift of acid reflux. (Better tell Cupid to pack the Tums.)

Ingredients (from Yoshinoya):

1 Beef Short Rib and Chicken Plate
1 Grilled Shrimp Bowl
1 miso soup
1 chicken vegetable soup
1 side order of steamed vegetables
2 condiment cups of shichimi-togarashi (seven spice chili powder)
2 condiment cups of beni shoga (pickled ginger)
2 soft drinks of your choice

For this romantic-looking dinner, we are going to be inspired not by Japan, but by Spain — the passionate and amorous country that brought us the sensuous dance of flamenco and the aphrodisiacal delicacy of paella. In fact, we are going to fake a paella from our Yoshinoya ingredients.

First, take all the rice from your bowls and plates and spread it evenly at the base of a pan. Add the broth from the soups and simmer over a low heat. Then collect all your vegetables from the bowls and plates and add those to the stewing mixture as well.

Since we don’t have the traditional coloring spice of saffron, we are going to spice things up with the colorful Japanese chili powder. Distribute it evenly so that it infuses with all the rice and broth, and stir — it will look like you are actually making a real paella (convincing enough for any request to “kiss the cook.”)

There are as many styles of paella as there are types of fillings in a box of chocolate bon-bons, and for this “yoshinolla” version we’re going to add chicken, shrimp, and chorizo. Of course we don’t actually have Spanish sausage, so we’ll have to improvise and cut the beef short ribs into sliced sausage shapes. Slice the chicken while you’re at it, and butterfly the shrimp. Chances are you’re not getting the freshest shrimp money can buy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Transfer the rice to a proper paella pan and garnish the top with your three meats, as well as some strips of pickled ginger for an additional splash of color. Then break out the candles or turn the lights low to set the mood. Pour your beverages in fancy wine glasses and tada!: a romantic-looking Valentine’s dinner for you and your loved one. It should go without say that it’s probably not going to be the best tasting “paella” you’ve had since you faked it — and faking it in the kitchen might lead to faking it in another room in the house — so make sure you have some backup reservations somewhere…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Beef Strog ‘n Off (Fancy Steak ‘n Shake) by Erik of...

Fri, 08 Jan 2010 09:57:00 -0500

Beef Strog ‘n Off (Fancy Steak ‘n Shake)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Bill Massey

Cold winter got you down? Warm up as the Russians do — with a little old-fashioned Beef Stroganoff — before attempting to make this fake, albeit fancy version of it.

Ingredients:

2 Grilled Portobello ‘n Mushroom Steakburgers
1 Classic Vanilla Milk Shake
1 side order of onion rings
1 side order of cottage cheese
organic dill weed (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, remove all the mushrooms and onions from the steakburgers. Since we have a side of onion rings, we might as well debread those and add those to the pile as well. Take them all and start stir frying them up on a skillet. Next, take the beef patties and chop them into smaller bite-sized pieces. Add those to the skillet as well.

Stroganoff is traditionally made with sour cream, but due to the lack of that one important ingredient, we are going to improvise. It’s Steak ‘n Shake after all, and we’ve already added the steak to the skillet — so why not add the shake? It sort of looks like sour cream, and if you didn’t already figure it out, this site is all about the looks, folks. The melted ice cream is obviously not sour, which is why cottage cheese should be added to the mix as well. Mush and smooth out the cottage cheese curds, and let the whole thing simmer on a low heat.

To make the noodles, let’s start by converting the buns back into dough: break apart pieces of the bread and put them in a food processor. Add a little shake or cottage cheese whey to give it a little liquid, and then blend. You now have a wad of dough that you can knead, fold, roll, and run through a pasta maker with the fettuccine attachment.

Put your freshly made pasta in the center of a fancy bowl, and then mix in your beef Strog ‘n Off concoction. Garnish with ironic dill and serve — hopefully your stomach will be “strong enough.” Chances are this dish will not exactly sit well with you on a cold winter day, which is why you could also just do another thing the Russians do, and get yourself a shot of vodka. Na zdorovia!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Honey Apple Glazed Christmas Holiday Ham(-burger)(Fancy BK Quad...

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 11:05:41 -0500

Honey Apple Glazed Christmas Holiday Ham(-burger)
(Fancy BK Quad Stackers & Croissan’wiches)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Jarrod Spillers

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring… except for the Fancy Fast Food Chef stirring apple filling and honey mustard in a saucepan for a traditional Christmas dish!

We are talking about the traditional holiday ham, the centerpiece at many a Christmas dinner, which is unfortunately an item that fast food restaurants don’t sell (the whole ham anyway), so we’ll have to get creative as usual. First let’s make a list and check it twice, and find out which ingredients are naughty or nice:

Ingredients (from Burger King):

8 BK Quad Stackers
3 Double Croissan’wiches (each with double ham and no cheese)
1 BK Kids Meal (with Burger Shots and a FurReal Friends toy)
3 Dutch Apple Pies
3 juiceboxes of apple juice
1 Garden Salad (with honey mustard dressing)

(They’re all naughty.)

First, marvel at the fact that you just purchased eight BK Quad Stackers. Do the math: 8 x 4 = 32 patties of greasy goodness. Stack them high — it’s like Jenga, but with meat!

The stack is obviously too big and tall to put in a food processor all at once, so cut it all down into smaller pieces. Then put some chunks of all the beef, bacon and cheese in a food processor, and push the magic button. Repeat this process until all the meat is ground up, and collect it all in a big mixing bowl.

You now have a wad of meat and filler that you can mold into whatever you want — a meatloaf, a snowman, a life-sized figure of Baby Jesus if you want — but we will remain focused and mold it into a ham. Once you have the ham shape, score the back in a diagonal grid as cooks often do with real hams. To continue the façade of an actual baked ham, sear the outside with a kitchen torch.

What you have now almost looks like a ham, so start slicing it like one. It should be no surprise that once the knife carves out the first slice, there is no ham inside. This is where breakfast comes in.

Take all the ham out of your Croissan’wiches and fit slices over the side of your wad of meat. Use toothpicks to keep them from falling, then pinch the edges so the meat wad and ham slice look seamless. Place the additional slices of ham in front of your creation and pretend that it was all carved from the same place. If you can believe in Santa Claus, you can believe this.

The final touch is the glaze. Bring all the apple juice to a boil in a non-stick skillet and start to reduce it down. Add in the apple filling from the pies, and then the packet of honey mustard from the salad. Stir it on the night before Christmas, or whenever it’s convenient for you. Once it’s all blended together, brush the glaze over your mock ham.

Finally, the plating: place your ham-like creation on top of a bed of lettuce on a fancy white platter. Garnish the sides with tomatoes, carrots, and more honey apple glaze. Look at it with awe; it’s a Christmas miracle!

To go a step even further, take your BK Kids Meal FurReal Friends toy and make it into an ornament. Roll a straw wrapper into string and loop it around the doll. Looks great on a tree!

Now have a Merry Christmas and a Fancy New Year!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Bubbe Wendy’s Hanukkah Latkes (Fancy Wendy’s Hash...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:40:22 -0500

Bubbe Wendy’s Hanukkah Latkes (Fancy Wendy’s Hash Browns)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Lilit Marcus of Jewcy and Save The Assistants

Hey everybody, it’s Hanukkah! It’s Chanuka! No matter how you spell it, it’s time for the Jewish festival of lights — eight crazy nights of dreidels gone wild, a time when latkes are as abundant as old yentas around a mahjongg table. But you don’t need to be Jewish to partake in Hanukkah traditions, particularly the gastronomic treat of latkes (or lattkes). No matter how you spell it, “latkes” is Yiddish for fried pancakes, typically of the potato variety — making it oddly similar to McDonald’s hash browns. However, Bubbe Wendy has guilted us into using her Fancy Fast Food recipe (“If you just want to use McDonald’s hash browns, then I guess that’s fine by me…”), so here goes. Oy…

Ingredients (from Wendy’s):

8 orders of hash browns (for the eight nights of Hannukah)
2 baked potatoes (with packets of sour cream and “Buttery-Best Spread”)
2 orders of mandarin oranges
1 small soft drink
1 bottle of water
packets of Sweet & Sour Sauce
packets of sugar
packets of salt and pepper
a pinch of Jewish guilt (may be substituted with Catholic guilt)
organic chives (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Latkes are traditionally served with apple sauce or sour cream. We already have the latter, so we’re going to have to make the apple sauce. Unfortunately, Wendy’s sells no apple products whatsoever, so we’ll have to get creative.

What are apples? They are a kind of fruit that are sometimes sweet, sometimes sour, and so naturally we will start with Sweet & Sour Sauce. To add a fruity pulp to it, we’ll add the mandarin oranges — but that’s fine; Bubbe Wendy moved down to Boca.

Put the manadrin oranges in a food processor and purée them, then strain out the extraneous juice. Mix this pulp in a bowl with the Sweet & Sour Sauce. The color is a bit intense to look like real apple sauce, so scoop out some baked potato (minus any chives) and mix it in — the French call potatoes “pommes de terre” (apples of earth) so we’ll go with it. Mush and whisk it all until it sort of looks like apple sauce; add sugar until it’s as sweet.

Next, the latkes themselves. Take all the mini hash brown nuggets and mush them with your hands. Touching them, you’ll realize they are all too greasy for things to stick together, so we’ll need to make a batter to work as a binding agent.

Put one baked potato, minus the skin, into a food processor and add about a quarter cup of water. Hit purée and voilà: batter! Add this potato batter to your pile of hash browns and mix thoroughly in a bowl. Add salt and pepper as desired.

In a large non-stick skillet, melt a few packets of Wendy’s “Buttery-Best Spread;” there’s enough oil in it for a fry-up. Slice the top of your beverage’s paper cup and use it as a guide when forming the batter into pancakes in the skillet. Fry each evenly on both sides until it becomes crispy and golden brown. Argue with Bubbe Wendy that they do in fact, resemble McDonald’s hash browns now — but let her win the argument; she’ll try and make you feel guilty for never calling her anyway.

You are ready to serve the Hannukah latkes, but wait! You can use your fancy kitchen tools in continued preparation for the holiday: use a fondue fork to clean out the old waxy build-up in your menorah; use a kitchen torch to light the new candles.

Garnish the latkes with organic chives (for that extra touch of irony), and then have a Happy Hannukah, courtesy of Bubbe Wendy and Fancy Fast Food! Now spin those dreidels until we figure out what we’re going to do for Christmas…

Can there be “Peace On Earth” if a mock recipe for a Jewish holiday is paired with a video involving Muslim halal meat? Hell if I know, but we’re going to do it anyway. Here’s the latest video of fast food fancification on the latest episode of Vendr TV:

READ MORE: FFF Creator Erik R. Trinidad’s travel blog on Israel and the Middle East

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce (Fancy...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:06:00 -0500

Seared Pollock Cake with Southwest Ramalan Sauce (Fancy Filet-O-Fish)
by Devon Knight and Jason Isch of Cornerstore Restaurateur

Since BurgerBusiness and Eat Me Daily broke the news about McDonald’s Portugal having a similar “fancy” promo contest — as well as McDonald’s Australia (which FFF creator Erik Trinidad recently brought up in a segment on Australia’s Weekend Today morning show) — we here at Fancy Fast Food have continued to encourage our readers to submit their own recipes and photos of fast food fancifications. Here’s the latest contribution from guest chefs Devon Knight and Jason Isch of Cornerstore Restaurateur, in their words:

Ingredients:

1 Filet-O-Fish sandwich
1 Premium Southwest Salad (with packet of Newman’s Own Southwest Restaurant Dressing)
1 medium soft drink
packets of salt and pepper

Carefully free that little “Alaskan Pollock and/or Hoki” (from Wikipedia) fish filet from its buns. Remove all tartar sauce from the fish and buns, and set it aside. Toast the top half of the bun and set that aside.

Carefully cut the breading off of the fish — but don’t throw the breading out, since we’re going to use it later. Take some time to absorb the fact that yes, McDonald’s does indeed use real fish for their Filet-O-Fish. After star-gazing a while at your quaint fish square, delicately flake the fish apart and place it in a bowl.

Grab that salad and get to dissecting; we’re going to take out the tomatoes, scallions, and a small amount of corn and throw them in the bowl with the flaked fish. GO GREEN! Do yourself a favor and eat some of those greens left behind by your salad dissection.

Take your warm, toned, toasted bun and grind it up in a food processor until it is the consistency of, well, bread crumbs (funny how that works out). Place the bread crumbs in the fish bowl along with a packet of salt and about a half a packet of pepper. Mix all the ingredients in the bowl until it is a sticky, fishy goop. Cut off the bottom of your (empty) soda cup to form a mold for the fish cake, and then put your goop in to mold it.

Take your packet of Southwest salad dressing and strain it into a frying pan over low heat; we want to warm it, not cook it. Take the discarded fish breading and rub it on the bottom of a separate frying pan. The grease from the breading will give you just enough oily coating to sear the fish cake — yummy. Heat the pan until grease is gently smoking, then flip the cake mold over the hot pan and sear the fish cake on both sides.

Finally, the plating: pour the warm salad dressing into a dish and daintily place your fish cake on top. Garnish your little fish puck with some of the contents of your salad.

For this week’s post, the Cornerstore Restaurateur guys made McDonald’s fancy with the above recipe. Meanwhile, Fancy Fast Food creator Erik Trinidad tried to class up the Golden Arches in a different way, with fancy McDonald’s pianist and music composer Andrew Shapiro, in this video shot by food videographer (and “historic gastromonist”) Sarah Lohman:

(While this video has been reviewed and approved by the management of McDonald’s at 160 Broadway NYC, and McDonald’s Corporate PR Department, it does not necessarily reflect or express the views and opinions of the McDonald’s Corporation.)

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Franksgiving Dinner (Fancy Nathan’s, Take Two) by Erik of...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:38:00 -0500

Franksgiving Dinner (Fancy Nathan’s, Take Two) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (using some of his techniques as featured in the November 2009 Wired article by Erica Westly)

Ingredients:

1 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog (with chili)
1 Corn Dog on a Stick
1 order of Crinkle-Cut French Fries
1 small fruit punch
organic chives (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This Thanksgiving, we could have easily gone to Boston Market for a quick, traditional American Thanksgiving meal, but where’s the fun in that?

To get started, use a kitchen torch to sear one side of your corn dog so that it has a few burn marks — not too much, just enough to give the exterior an appearance of being roasted. Then flip the corn dog over and cut an incision so that you can extract about two-thirds of the interior hot dog. With that solid mass removed, you can easily mold the remaining cornbread batter into a shape that resembles that of a turkey leg.

Next, remove the hot dog from its bun, leaving the chili. Scoop the chili into a skillet, and then chop the remaining bun into small pieces. Mix the bun pieces in with the chili — crushing the beans in the process — until it’s blended and looks like stuffing. To make the mashed potatoes, simply stick some fries in a food processor and blend. (Nathan’s fries are inherently moist, so there’s no need to add water.)

To make some faux cranberry sauce, bring the fruit punch to a boil in a non-stick pan until it’s reduced down to a thick red syrup. Toss in some bread pieces to soak up the syrup and make a chunky paste of fruity flavor.

Finally, the plating: place your “turkey leg” and all the sides on a welcoming round plate; garnish the potatoes with organic chives for that extra touch of irony. Now give thanks, and have a Happy Franksgiving!

Fancy Fast Food creator Erik Trinidad discussed this recipe (via Skype) on The Guy Bauer Half Hour, a weekly, live web talk show based out of Chicago:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken with Pineapple Mango Salsa, with Beef & Mushroom...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 12:47:00 -0500

Chicken with Pineapple Mango Salsa, with Beef & Mushroom Risotto
(Fancy Jollibee)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with assistance from Slim

Ingredients:

1 two-piece Chickenjoy meal (with rice and gravy)
1 Amazing Aloha Burger
1 Burger Steak (with rice and mushroom gravy)
1 Pandesal with Corned Beef
1 Peach Mango Pie
1 soft drink of your choice
organic Italian parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Canada’s Tim Hortons was the first non-American fast food chain import to be fancified on this food humor blog. This time we go to the Philippines’ big fast food chain Jollibee, with several American locations in New York, Las Vegas and California.

First, skin the breading off the two pieces of fried Chickenjoy, and then cut the meat off the bones into pieces as big as you can get them. (The thigh and drumstick should yield one big piece each.) Next, take the slice of pineapple out of the Amazing Aloha Burger and chop it into small chunks. Chop the lettuce from the burger as well. Slice the Peach Mango Pie laterally to expose the inside, and then scoop out its filling. Mix the three ingredients in a bowl to make the pineapple mango salsa.

Pour the gravy from the Chickenjoy into a skillet, and then add the gravy and mushrooms from the Burger Steak, along with the rice. To make things meatier, add the corned beef hash from the pandesal roll, and then mix it all up under a low heat.

And now, the plating: place the two pieces of chicken next to each other on a fancy white plate, and then top it with the pineapple mango salsa. On the side, place down some beef & mushroom risotto, and garnish with some ironic parsley. Serve the soft drink in a wine glass, of course. And there you have it: chicken, fruit, gravy, mushrooms, rice, luncheon meat and all! It’s a Filipino taste explosion! Masarap!

This dish was created to promote the fundraising event “Luncheon Meet” in New York City, brought to you by food writer Laurel Fantauzzo (New York Magazine, AP), creator of the Park Slope Pork Off. Chefs competed over creating the fanciest dish derived from luncheon meat and Spam. Proceeds at the door benefitted victims of the typhoons in the Philippines.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Carlbonade Flamande (Fancy Carl’s Jr.)by Erik of Fancy...

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 07:16:00 -0500

Carlbonade Flamande (Fancy Carl’s Jr.)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B., plus Julie L. of Carl’s Jr. (Las Vegas)

Ingredients:

2 Six Dollar Burgers
1 order of fried zucchini
1 order of onion rings
1 large root beer
organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, take the beef patties and onions from the burgers, and add them to rest of the ingredients you’ll be using: the zucchini and the onion rings. Slice the burger into smaller morsels, and take the breading off the fried onion rings. Put the combined onions in a skillet, followed by the Angus beef.

The original recipe that has inspired this one is a Flemish stew from Belgium that uses beer as the base. So, add the root beer to the pan. Let it boil, then simmer for a while so the beer really starts to breakdown and infuse with the meat.

Meanwhile, steam the fried zucchini so that the fried batter loosens up, then expose the green vegetables inside. Use these zucchini slices as garnish when you do the plating: pile your beef and (root) beer carbonade in the center of the white plate, and garnish it on top with a sprig of ironic thyme. Voila! Wonder what Carl would think of this…

Here’s a short, impromptu (and crudely-edited) iPhone video of the ordering process at a Carl’s Jr. in Las Vegas; FFF creator Erik R. Trinidad usually overbuys items when he purchases regional fast food from distant locations, in case he messes up the first time in a fast food “fancification” back home. (Shot on an iPhone 3GS by Chrissy M.)

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Del Spaghetti Arrabbiata (Fancy Del Taco) by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 09:29:00 -0500

Del Spaghetti Arrabbiata (Fancy Del Taco)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B.

Ingredients:

1 Del Classic Chicken Burrito
1 order of jalapeño rings
1 cup of water
packets of assorted hot sauces
packets of ketchup
organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Here’s a Fancy Fast Food dish that’s fairly simple to make, provided you just so happen to have a handcrank pasta maker around. First, unwrap the burrito and empty the filling. No need to separate the ingredients inside because you are just going take it all and put it in a saucepan with a little bit of water, and place it over a medium heat. Next, add plenty of ketchup and hot sauce from the packets. Del Taco hot sauces come in Mild, Del Inferno, and Del Scorcho; you may use what suits your taste — but keep in mind that “arrabiata” sauce, derived the Italian word for “angry,” was meant to be spicy. To make it even hotter than Scorcho, you can slice up some jalapeño rings, chop them, and add them to the mix. Let the sauce simmer for a while, stirring occasionally.

To make the pasta, rinse the tortilla and then cut the sides off so it has the width of your pasta maker. Crank the tortilla through the pasta cutter’s spaghetti attachment; making Italian spaghetti from Mexican ingredients couldn’t be easier! Pile the resulting pasta on the center of a fancy white plate, and then add the arrabbiata sauce on top. Garnish with ironic basil leaves and presto! Just because you make fast food fancy doesn’t mean you have to skimp on spice!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Beef Wellington, Animal Style (Fancy In-N-Out Burger) by Erik of...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 07:22:30 -0400

Beef Wellington, Animal Style (Fancy In-N-Out Burger)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Chrissy M. and Kelly B.

Ingredients:

3 In-N-Out Hamburgers, Animal Style
1 order of French Fries
1 cup of fountain water
salt and pepper packets
a sprig of organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Ordering a burger “Animal Style” may not be such a secret, but psst… did you know you can make Beef Wellington out of In-N-Out Burger items? First, take the buns from the three burgers, scrape off all the Animal sauces and toppings, and put them in a food processor. Add a litle bit of water and blend until it becomes a smooth, doughy mush. Using a rubber spatula, spread the mixture onto a large non-stick baking sheet; spread it evenly on the entire sheet. Then put it in a pre-heated oven at 400°F for 5-10 minutes, depending on how moist it is. You’ll know it’s done when it starts to develop a light, flaky crust.

Meanwhile, take all your Animal Style toppings (the lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, sauce, and onions), plus a little salt and pepper to taste, and chop them all together into a chunky, delicious spread. When the flaky crust is done, let it cool for a bit so it’s easy to lift off the pan with a spatula. (Don’t take the crust off the pan yet; just test it.) Use a rubber spatula to evenly distribute a layer of the Animal Style Spread over the crust.

Cut the burger patties into smaller chunks and put them in a food processor. Blend until it’s a consistent ground beef. Using your hands, mold the beef into a small meatloaf in the shape of a nice cut of beef tenderloin, and place it in the center of the baking sheet. Then carefully wrap the loaf with the crust by folding over all sides until it’s completely covered.

Finally, the plating: slice the crusted loaf into serving portions; use two per plate. Mash some potatoes by blending fries in a food processor with a little water, and serve those on the side. Garnish with an ironic sprig of thyme. Tada! Beef Wellington, Animal Style! We’ll keep the secret, if you can…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Sweet Potato Gnocchi (Fancy Burgerville Sweet Potato Fries)by...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 10:02:00 -0400

Sweet Potato Gnocchi (Fancy Burgerville Sweet Potato Fries)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food varying a recipe suggested by Heather M. of Croqzine

Ingredients:

1 Burgerville Classic Hamburger (or any burger)
1 large order of local sweet potato fries
1 side salad
1 bottle of local water
1 soft drink of your choice
organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Here’s a vegetarian dish from the fresh, local, sustainable ingredient-committed fast food chain Burgerville from the American Pacific Northwest, that’s sure to appease any of the treehugging Fancy Fast Foodies out there. First, let’s get rid of that local 100% Country Natural Burgerville Beef patty from the burger. (Give it to a carnivorous friend, if you will.) Then break apart pieces of the bun and add enough water to make it soggy. Take that slop and add it to a food processor with the Tillamook cheese from the side salad and all of the sweet potato fries. Then blend it all up until it becomes a bowl of local and sustainable mush.

Knead the mush until it’s a good doughy consistency; if it’s too moist and squishy, dry it in the oven at 375°F (baking times will vary, as needed). When it’s good to go, use your hands to roll pieces of the sweet potato dough into small balls about 3/4” in diameter. Then slightly squish each one down into an egg shape with a fork, leaving a nice texture behind.

Chop the fresh greens from the salad and sprinkle them over the gnocchi. Then top it off with a garnish of organic parsley (Is it ironic in this case?), and serve with the soft drink in a nice glass. Tada! See how good these Italian dumplings can look, but are they still bad for you? You be the judge.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chick-sat-A (Fancy Chick-fil-A) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with...

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 07:05:00 -0400

Chick-sat-A (Fancy Chick-fil-A) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Cheryl T.

Ingredients:

1 order of four Chick-n-Strips
1 order of Waffle Potato Fries
1 Carrot & Raisin Salad
1 Walnut Fudge Brownie
1 soft drink of your choice
packets of various Chick-fil-A dipping sauces
an organic banana leaf (for presentation and a touch of irony)

Here’s a little treat that fuses Southeast Asia with a Southeast American-based fast food chain. First, debread all the Chick-n-Strips to expose the pieces of real chicken breast inside. Rinse the pieces in a colander, and then cut them down into eight smaller pieces.

To get the grill marks, you may fire up an actual hibachi or George Foreman grill, but you can also just fake the grill marks — just like many fast food chains do anyway. Take each morsel of chicken and carve two grooves in each of the sides; these will help define the grill marks when you take a kitchen torch and burn in the dark lines. Afterwards, let the chicken cool down before skewing them with bamboo skewers.

Next, the sauce. Satay is typically served with a peanut sauce, but with the lack of peanuts at Chick-fil-A, we are going to improvise and use walnuts from the Walnut Fudge Brownie. Pick all of them off, and then finely chop them. Blend various dipping sauces into a mixing cup (the darker the better) and then mix in the chopped walnuts. Pour the resulting satay sauce in a small fancy bowl.

Finally, the assembly: cut the banana leaf down to the size and shape of a fancy platter, and then place it down. On top, place the satay sauce and the chicken skewers. Garnish with a Waffle Potato Fry and some Carrot & Raisin Salad, and serve with your beverage in a nice glass. And there you have it! Southeast Asia meets Southeast America in this chicken dish that will sure make you — and the cows — happy.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Penne Grande (Fancy TacoTime)by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with...

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:07:22 -0400

Penne Grande (Fancy TacoTime)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Sean Keaner of BootsnAll.com

Ingredients:

1 dozen (or more) Original Crisp Burritos (with chicken)
1 Casita Burrito
packets of various TacoTime hot sauces
organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

So as long as this blog changes the perception of fast food, we might as well play with the perception of scale (at least this time around, since we’ve misjudged the actual size of TacoTime’s Original Crisp Burritos).

First, diagonally cut each of the Crisp Burritos on both ends, so it resembles the shape of piece of penne pasta. Then, using a chopstick, empty out the chicken filling, saving it for the sauce. Repeat for each of the burritos until all of your “penne grande” is hollowed out. Place the big faux pasta on a big fancy white platter.

Empty the packets of hot sauce — more red ones than green — into a saucepan and bring to a boil. Afterwards, add some of the chicken filling, tomatoes and sour cream from the Casita Burrito. Stir together under a low heat.

Finally, the assembly: spoon the sauce over the penne grande, and then garnish with a big piece of ironic parsley. (When you take a photo, it almost looks like normal-sized pasta, until you put a fork in the picture.) Presto! A dish that makes you wonder: with penne this big, how come they don’t have TacoTimes in Texas?

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken Mole Frostano (Fancy Spicy Chicken Sandwich &...

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:52:00 -0400

Chicken Mole Frostano (Fancy Spicy Chicken Sandwich & Frosty)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, by suggestion of Ray Vazquez (and as seen on ABC’s Nightline)

Ingredients:

1 Spicy Chicken Sandwich
1 small chili
1 Chocolate Fudge Frosty Shake
packets of hot sauce and ketchup
organic mexican cilantro (for garnish and a touch of irony)

Disassemble the Spicy Chicken Sandwich into its elements, saving the lettuce and tomato for garnish. Skin the chicken breast filet, but save some of the spicy breading. Grind the breading down to a powder in a food processor; you will use it as a spice for the sauce later.

While the word mole (rhymes with “olay,” not “bowl”) is merely Mexican Spanish for “sauce” or “concoction,” it has come to be associated with the classic chocolate-based spicy sauce from the Mexican state of Puebla. We will start by using a tomato base from the chili. Using a strainer or a rubber spatula to hold back the solid ingredients from the chili container, pour tomato sauce into a small saucepan. For the chocolate flavor, add about six tablespoons of the Chocolate Fudge Frosty into the mix. Add a few pinches of your pulverized breading spice, then add Hot Chili seasoning sauce and/or ketchup to your liking. Mix it all up under a medium heat, then let it simmer so all the contrasting flavors get fused together.

Take the lettuce from the sandwich — whether it is limp or crispy — and place it in the center of a fancy white plate. Place the skinned chicken breast on top of this bed of lettuce, then generously spoon your mole frostano sauce on top. Garnish this with chopped tomato (from the sandwich), and some chopped Mexican cilantro — the certified organic kind, if you want to add that extra touch of irony. Serve and enjoy! ¡Olé!

This Fancy Fast Food recipe was created on ABC’s Nightline with ABC News correspondent Sharyn Alfonsi and Andrew Knowlton, editor of Bon Appetit magazine and judge on Iron Chef America. (Segment produced by Sarah Rosenberg.) Recap below:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Jack in the Bento (Fancy Jack in the Box)by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 07:59:31 -0400

Jack in the Bento (Fancy Jack in the Box)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Noelle R.

Ingredients:

1 Chipotle Chicken Ciabatta with Spicy Cripsy Chicken
1 Steak Teriyaki Bowl
1 side salad
1 large Coke

This Japanese adaptation of American fast food items calls for Coke reduction, so get that started first by pouring about half of the large Coke in a non-stick skillet and evaporating out the water. Then disassemble your items to get the separated ingredients you need: ciabatta bread, steak pieces, a chicken cutlet, rice, broccoli, lettuce, carrots, cucumber, and cherry tomatoes. You will not be using the bacon found in the sandwich, so you may go ahead and just pop that deliciousness in your mouth.

Rinse the rice in a colander and then dry it out with some paper towels. Let it sit out and get sticky for a bit while you prepare the “nori sheets”: thinly slice pieces of the ciabatta bread, and then dye it dark in the syrupy Coke reduction when it’s ready. Let them cool so that you can handle them, but don’t let them completely cool and dry out. When it’s okay to touch, place the darker side down, and top it with rice. Roll it as best you can, then cut off the ends to even it out. Slice some cucumber and insert a piece in the center of the maki roll piece, along with a strand of carrot. Do this at least two more times for more pieces of sushi.

Dice down the steak pieces until it almost becomes a paste. Then place it in the skillet with the remaining Coke and bring to a boil. You’ll want this concoction to be the thickness of a katsu curry sauce, so add torn pieces of bread as needed to dissolve and give the sauce some density. Stir it until everything become consistent.

Cut your spicy chicken cutlet into pieces about 3/4 inches wide. (Amazing that it looks like chicken katsu already, just by doing that.) Finally, the assembly: in a bento box, place the rice in one compartment, pat it down, and garnish with a cherry tomato in the center; place the makeshift maki rolls in another compartment; pour a layer of “curry” sauce in the main compartment, then top it off with the chicken katsu and a garnish of broccoli; and place the lettuce and the remaining carrots in the salad compartment. For an extra touch, take some squishy broccoli and mush it with your fingers into a ball so that it looks like a wad of wasabi paste. And there you have it: the answer to the age old Japanese question, “Can Jack in the Box become fancy by replacing the box for a bento?” Hai!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Whataroulade (Fancy Whataburger)by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with...

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 06:25:00 -0400

Whataroulade (Fancy Whataburger)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Stephanie E. and suggestions by Sarah D.

Ingredients:

1 Whataburger Triple Meat & Triple Cheese, plus add bacon
1 medium fries
1 medium soft drink (with ice)
1 side order of sausage gravy (available between 11pm and 11am)
2 whole jalapeño peppers
packets of fancy ketchup
organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This fancy heartstopper requires water from melted ice, so make sure you’ve got a full cup. Drain out (or sip away) the soft drink and let the ice sit out and melt while you prepare the other items. As always, first start by disassembling the burger to get the ingredients you will use: three burger patties, slices of bacon, and all the other veggie toppings. There’s no need to separate out the tomatoes from the lettuce and onions; simply chop them all together for they will collectively be a part of the filling.

Next, steam the burger patties so they become moist and pliable, and then place them in a row on a sheet of plastic wrap with each one overlapping the previous, like three fallen rounded dominoes made of beef. Top the meat with your chopped vegetables, and then the slices of bacon (the long way). Cut the stems off of the two jalapeños and place them in the middle of the bottom-most burger patty.

Using the plastic wrap to hold things together, slowly start rolling your row of burgers and filling. (The jalapeños that will eventually be in the center, help maintain the roulade’s shape.) As your roll it, keep the plastic wrap from getting caught within the roll, otherwise everything will come apart when you take it away. When you’re done rolling everything, you should have a cylinder of food; if it’s not cylindrical, continue to roll and tighten it by holding onto the plastic wrap ends. Then, to really retain the shape of the roulade, wrap everything in aluminium foil, and let it cool down and harden in the refrigerator or freezer. (You’ll know it’s ready when you touch it and it’s slightly chilled.)

Remove the roulade from the aluminium and plastic, and then carefully slice it into pieces to serve. For the side, make a potato purée by blending fries and melted ice in a food processor. For the sauce, mix some sausage gravy with some fancy ketchup. Finally, assemble it all: place slices of the Whataroulade in the center of a fancy white plate. Place some potatoes on one side; garnish with some slices of jalapeño on the other. Drizzle the meat with the sauce and garnish with ironic thyme. And voila! Who says Texans can’t be fancy?

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Whop Perguignon (Fancy Whopper & Steakhouse Burger) by Erik...

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 02:02:00 -0400

Whop Perguignon (Fancy Whopper & Steakhouse Burger) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, as seen on Australia’s Weekend Today show

Ingredients:

1 BK Combo Meal: Whopper with added bacon and mushrooms (have it your way), onion rings, and a bottle of “XXX” Vitaminwater
1 BK Combo Meal: Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger , french fries, and a bottle of “XXX” Vitaminwater
1 Garden Salad
1 bottle of water
packets of salt, pepper, and ketchup
organic parsley (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This recipe is a “slight variation” of Julia Child’s classic Boeuf Bourguignon recipe. First, disassemble the burgers to extract the ingredients we’ll need: bacon, onions, mushrooms, the burger patties, and the buns. Using a paper towel, dry off any oil, ketchup, or mayonnaise from the buns, and then toast them in a toaster (or toaster oven or conventional oven) until they become hard and crusty. Once cool to the touch, grate the bread down into breadcrumbs. (This will be used later on.)

Next, cut the beef patties into uneven square shapes, and then slice the bacon into “lardoons” about a quarter-inch-wide and an inch-and-a-half long. Sauté these small strips of bacon in a saucepan for a bit, and then add in the beef. Sauté the meats together until they start to sizzle, and then pour in about two-thirds of a bottle of the burgundy-colored Vitaminwater. Once the beef has been moistened, take each piece with a pair of kitchen tongs and bread it in the breadcrumbs you made earlier. (This will help thicken the sauce, and make the burger squares look more natural.) Add in the baby carrots from the Garden Salad, a packet of ketcup, salt and pepper to taste, and stir. Then cover the saucepan and let it all stew for at least twenty minutes under a low heat.

Meanwhile, use a paring knife to peel the breading off of the onion rings. Add the oniony pieces to the mix of the other onion forms and the mushrooms, and rinse them all in a colander. Then sauté these mushrooms and onions in a small skillet. Finally, put the french fries in a food processor with 1/3 cup of water, and blend until it becomes a mashed potato-like substance.

And now the assembly: place morsels of your beef stew on a fancy white plate. Top it with the sautéed onions and mushrooms, and garnish with chopped organic parsley. Put some mashed potatoes on the side, and then pour some gravy from the saucepan over the meat and potatoes. Serve Vitaminwater in a wine glass. And voila! A Julia Child-inspired beef stew fit for a King! (It’s not so hard, Julie.)

This Fancy Fast Food recipe was showcased on Channel Nine’s Weekend Today show in Australia:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chocolate Mousse & Quenelles Vanille (Fancy Mister Softee)...

Fri, 04 Sep 2009 06:22:00 -0400

Chocolate Mousse & Quenelles Vanille (Fancy Mister Softee)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food with Chrissy a.k.a. “Miss Softee”

Ingredients (from a Mister Softee truck):

chocolate soft ice cream
chocolate syrup
waffle cone
whipped cream
chocolate sprinkles/jimmies/shots
vanilla soft ice cream
strawberry topping
organic mint leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

For an end-of-summer treat, you can make your Mister Softee fancy! To make the chocolate mousse, first put some chocolate ice cream in a mixing bowl and add plenty of chocolate syrup. (Adding anything thinner than syrup will turn the soft ice cream into a milkshake.) Whisk it until it has the texture of a mousse, then pour it into a fancy martini glass. Garnish the top with a swirl or drizzle of chocolate syrup, followed by some whipped cream, a piece of a waffle cone, chocolate sprinkles (or “jimmies” or “shots,” depending on what you call them in your region), and some organic mint leaves (for that touch of irony).

Onto the quenelles vanille: put some vanilla ice cream in a mixing bowl, then shape it into a quenelle with two spoons. Put some strawberry topping in the center of a fancy white plate (they come in plastic too), and add the quenelle on top. Garnish with chocolate syrup and some ironic mint leaves. Voila! Now serve it to people on the street — even FDNY firemen — courtesy of Monsieur Softée!

You can follow Miss Softee at twitter.com/miss_softee.

Fancy Fast Food video by Sarah Lohman:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the video from the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Five Dollar Farfalle (Fancy $5 Footlong) by Erik of Fancy Fast...

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 08:28:00 -0400

Five Dollar Farfalle (Fancy $5 Footlong) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food
(as seen in the syndicated news article by The Associated Press)

Ingredients:

1 Subway $5 Footlong (Oven Roasted Chicken Breast on Italian bread with double tomatoes, olives, green peppers, and onions)
1 bottle of water
organic basil or parsley leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

After disassembling your sandwich down to its ingredients, break some pieces of bread into a food processor. Add about a 1/4 cup of water, and then blend it down until it turns back into a doughy substance. We are going to mold this dough into bowtie shapes, but it will most likely be too moist and sticky to play with. Dry it out by placing the wad on a non-stick baking pan and baking it for 10-15 minutes in a pre-heated oven at 350° F.

While that’s drying, chop your tomatoes down into a chunky pulp, and start stewing them in a small pot with some water. Chop the rest of your vegetables, and then add them to the pot. Let all the ingredients of the marinara sauce simmer for a bit before slicing some chicken and adding that to the mix as well.

The wad of dough should be dry but still moldable by this time. Let it cool to room temperature before rolling a small piece of it flat with a rolling pin. Then, using a 2” x 2” ravioli stamp, cut out a serrated square. Pinch the center of the square until it looks like a bowtie. Repeat this process until you have enough farfalle for your dish.

Place all of your fancy-looking farfalle pasta in the center of a fancy white plate, then top it off with the chicken marinara sauce. Garnish with organic basil or parsley and serve the rest of the water in a wine glass. Presto! How do you like that, Jared?

Video slideshow by The Associated Press:

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.