Valentine Culvoutis (Fancy Culver’s)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with help from Allison Jaffe and Stephanie Etkin)
Centuries ago, when the French came up with the baked dessert called clafoutis, little did they know that at a glance, the word looks like it might be a venereal disease. (“Merde! J’ai la clafoutis!”) However, the word actually refers to a sweet and buttery pastry baked with black cherries on top, originally from the Limousin region. Traditionally, clafoutis is baked and served in a round pan, but you can always improvise by using a heart-shaped one — so that you can make this V.D.-sounding treat for another V.D. (Valentine’s Day). You can further improvise à la Fancy Fast Food and make the entire thing from items from Midwestern fast food chain, Culver’s.
Ingredients (from Culver’s):
- 3 Original ButterBurgers
- 1 dish of frozen vanilla custard with cherries
- 2 extra cups of cherry topping
- 1 cup of water
First, remove all the cherries from the top of the custard. We won’t need the custard for the rest of the recipe, so go ahead and eat it before it melts. When you’re done, take those cherries, plus all the extra ones, and cut them into halves. Then rinse off all the sticky syrup using a colander.
For the buttery batter, we’ll use the buns from the ButterBurgers. Break them apart with your hands and put them in a food processor. Add a little water and blend it down until it becomes a nice doughy substance. Mold this dough into the bottom and sides of heart-shaped baking pans; add in cherries as you fill the inside. Bake them in a pre-heated oven for twenty minutes at 400°F, then let them cool before serving under candlelight for your special Valentine. And when V Day is over and your special someone wants more — even begging, “Pretty please with a cherry on top” — you’ll know just what to give them: indigestion.
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