Tacoliatelle con Pesto di Frito (Fancy Beefy Crunch Burrito)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with some assistance from Alexandra Jamieson)

It’s been twenty whole months since we here in the Fancy Fast Food kitchen have fancified something from Taco Bell, and now that 2011 is well under way, we’re going to party like it’s 2009. We’re going to make another pasta dish out of burrito, this time with inspiration from a recipe we found on the internet for Tagliatelle with Corn Pesto – a recipe which “re-imagines” pesto sauce by substituting corn for basil. Well, we are going to “re-re-imagine” this corn pesto sauce by using corn chips instead of actual corn. Never mind the recent news reports that question Taco Bell’s beef; what’s more important is that they now put spicy Fritos in their latest burrito offering! Let’s head for the border…

Ingredients (from Taco Bell):

• 1 Beefy Crunch Burrito (combo with:)
• 2 crunchy beef tacos
• 1 fountain drink with blend of Sierra Mist, Mountain Dew, and Tropicana Fruit Punch
• packets of Border Salsa Verde sauce
• PLUS: whole organic basil leaves (for an extra touch of irony)

Before you leave the borders of Taco Bell, be sure you make your fountain drink look like the faux white wine you will be serving with your dish at the end. Pour in about three-quarters clear Sierra Mist and then squirt in some Mountain Dew. The color may be too florescent, so offset the hue’s intensity with a splash of red Tropicana Fruit Punch. Go back and forth with the Mountain Dew and fruit punch as needed. If the color doesn’t turn out just right by the time the cup is full, just pour it all out and start over (preferably without a stingy manager looking over).

Once you’re in your kitchen, unwrap the Beefy Crunch Burrito. You won’t really need the rice for this pasta dish, so discard it (or eat it away), and then put the rest of the filling – including those Flamin’ Hot Fritos – in a mixing bowl (minus half of the beef since you won’t need it all). Now that the tortilla is empty, rinse it in the sink and pat it dry with a paper towel.

Slice the tortilla in two and then crank each half through a pasta cutter with the broad noodle attachment. In the end, you’ll have perfectly formed faux tagliatelle pasta. Collect it all in a big mixing bowl.

Next, the sauce. Cut open 15-20 packets of the Border Salsa Verde, squeeze them into a small skillet, and warm it up over a low heat. Meanwhile, take the lettuce and cheese from the two tacos and chop them into smaller pieces. While you’re at it, you might as well chop up some of the corn taco shells so our re-re-imagined corn pesto is extra corny. Add all of this to the bowl with the burrito filling and mix well.

Fold in the Border Salsa Verde into the big mixing bowl with the pasta. Then add in the filling mixture. Toss the pasta in the added ingredients until it is smothered.

Finally, the plating. Don’t scoop the pasta out in one heap and transfer it onto a plate (it will look like a messy glop); instead, transfer the pasta to the plate one or two noodles at a time with a pair of tongs. Garnish with ironic basil leaves to give homage to the pesto gods, and serve with your fountain drink blend in a wine glass! Buon appetito!

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