Santa’s McStrudel & Cookies (Fancy Happy Meals)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with some assistance from Phil Langer, Mark Trinidad, Amanda Albergo, Megan Quinn, and Jarrod Spillers)

It’s that time of the year again, when that jolly old fat guy sweeps down chimneys around the world, bearing gifts to those who are not naughty, but nice. And for some, it’s a Christmas tradition to leave an offering for Santa Claus — typically a sweet treat of cookies and milk — in an attempt to bribe him for the really good toys, like Mattel’s Sing-A-Ma-Jigs and XBox Kinects, which elves apparently know how to make. This season, unless you’re in an area were the local government has banned Happy Meals like stuffy, mean grinches stealing Christmas, you can follow this Fancy Fast Food mock recipe derived from McDonald’s popular kids meal, for a Christmas treat for Saint Nick made entirely out of fast food items. (Why not? He’s obese anyway.)

Ingredients (from McDonald’s):

• 2 Happy Meals with:
  • a hamburger (x2)
  • a pack of Apple Dippers and caramel dip sauce (x2)
  • a bottle of milk (x2)
  • a toy (x2)
• 1 extra hamburger
• 1 fruit and walnut salad
• 1 bottle of water

Santa Claus’ origins come from the Germanic peoples of northern Europe, so it’s only fitting that we make him a Germanic treat from that region: apple strudel. Sure we could just easily buy him McDonald’s strudel-like apple pie (or their baked cookies for that matter), but where’s the artistic integrity or fun in that?

First, take all the buns from the hamburgers and wipe away the ketchup with a paper towel. (Save the burger patties for later.) Then break apart the bread into small pieces and put them in a food processor. Add a tiny bit of water and blend it down to a solid, yet flexible dough. Knead the dough and roll it flat with a rolling pin. Trim the edges off so you have a straight edge when you fold it.

Before folding the strudel, we’ll have to fill the strudel with sweet goodness, i.e. sugar and spice and everything nice. Use a rubber spatula to evenly spread the caramel dip sauce on the top third of your dough sheet. Chop some walnuts from the fruit and walnut salad and spread them over the caramel. Then take some apple slices and lay them in a row across the width of the dough. It’s so easy, even an elf could do it!

Roll the strudel carefully until the filling is completely wrapped. Pinch the sides to encase it and then cut out some steam vents on top. Then bake the McStrudel on a cookie sheet in a pre-heated oven for 30 minutes at 400°F. When it’s done, let it cool for ten minutes.

For the icing, scoop out the yogurt from the fruit and walnut salad and place it into a cake decorating bag. There’s no need to add sugar to the yogurt to make it sweet like icing because McDonald’s elves have done that for you already. Squeeze the icing over the strudel into a decorative zig-zag pattern.

If you’re an American traditionalist, you could still leave out cookies for Santa too — or at least things that look like cookies: burger patties! (Rinse them first.) McDonald’s hamburgers already have the size, texture, and shape of actual cookies, but to take it a step further, push in some chopped walnuts into the meat so they look like chips or nuts. Voila! Beefy McCookies!

Lastly, the most important part: the plating. Santa isn’t going to give up the good stuff if you don’t present his treat in a nice way. Place the McStrudel on a plate and cut in the middle to expose the steaming apple goodness inside. This will definitey put you on The Nice List. Put the cookies behind the McStrudel to downplay them; one bite into those and you’ll be put on The Naughty List. Don’t forget to serve your treats with milk on the side! And while you’re by the tree, go ahead and fasten the Happy Meal toys as ornaments. Now get ready… because Santa Claus is coming to town!

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