Whataroulade (Fancy Whataburger)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Stephanie E. and suggestions by Sarah D.

Ingredients:

• 1 Whataburger Triple Meat & Triple Cheese, plus add bacon
• 1 medium fries
• 1 medium soft drink (with ice)
• 1 side order of sausage gravy (available between 11pm and 11am)
• 2 whole jalapeño peppers
• packets of fancy ketchup
• organic thyme (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This fancy heartstopper requires water from melted ice, so make sure you’ve got a full cup. Drain out (or sip away) the soft drink and let the ice sit out and melt while you prepare the other items. As always, first start by disassembling the burger to get the ingredients you will use: three burger patties, slices of bacon, and all the other veggie toppings. There’s no need to separate out the tomatoes from the lettuce and onions; simply chop them all together for they will collectively be a part of the filling.

Next, steam the burger patties so they become moist and pliable, and then place them in a row on a sheet of plastic wrap with each one overlapping the previous, like three fallen rounded dominoes made of beef. Top the meat with your chopped vegetables, and then the slices of bacon (the long way). Cut the stems off of the two jalapeños and place them in the middle of the bottom-most burger patty.

Using the plastic wrap to hold things together, slowly start rolling your row of burgers and filling. (The jalapeños that will eventually be in the center, help maintain the roulade’s shape.) As your roll it, keep the plastic wrap from getting caught within the roll, otherwise everything will come apart when you take it away. When you’re done rolling everything, you should have a cylinder of food; if it’s not cylindrical, continue to roll and tighten it by holding onto the plastic wrap ends. Then, to really retain the shape of the roulade, wrap everything in aluminium foil, and let it cool down and harden in the refrigerator or freezer. (You’ll know it’s ready when you touch it and it’s slightly chilled.)

Remove the roulade from the aluminium and plastic, and then carefully slice it into pieces to serve. For the side, make a potato purée by blending fries and melted ice in a food processor. For the sauce, mix some sausage gravy with some fancy ketchup. Finally, assemble it all: place slices of the Whataroulade in the center of a fancy white plate. Place some potatoes on one side; garnish with some slices of jalapeño on the other. Drizzle the meat with the sauce and garnish with ironic thyme. And voila! Who says Texans can’t be fancy?

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