Tapas de Castillo Blanco (Fancy White Castle) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food
Ingredients:
- 1 White Castle Sack Meal #1, with cheese and bacon (four bacon cheeseburger Slyders, a box of french fries, and a medium Coca-Cola)
- 1 White Castle Sack Meal #8 (two chicken sandwiches, a box of onion rings, and a medium Hi-C Poppin’ Pink Lemonade)
- 1 order of fried clams
- packets of tartar sauce and ketchup
- parsley (for garnish)
Separate the ice from the soft drinks and let it melt to water; then pour the pink lemonade into three wine glasses. Add enough Coke in each glass to darken the color enough to make it look like a nice rosé wine. Then bring the remaining Coke to a boil under medium heat in a non-stick saucepan and evaporate it down to a dark, sweet syrup.
Next, deconstruct everything and separate them into separate plates: french fries, onion rings, fried clams, beef patties, buns, cheese, bacon, and chicken. Using a paper towel, squeeze and dab each bun dry of its oil and ketchup. Then place all the buns on a baking sheet and bake them for ten minutes in a pre-heated oven at 400° F.
Meanwhile, using a food processor, blend the french fries into a pulp with a little water. Do the same with the beef (no water necessary) until it’s ground and moldable. Hand-roll the ground beef into meatballs, then pan-fry them until they start to brown.
Next, strip off the breading from the fried clams, steam them for a few minutes in a steamer, then wrap one strip of bacon around a bundle of three clam strips. Do this two more times. Strip the breading off the chicken, then cut the two breasts into four halves. Save three halves, then chop the remaining one into smaller pieces.
By now the bread in the oven should be dried out and crusty on both sides. Grate the buns with a grater to make a bowl of fine breadcrumbs. Crush any big chunks into a powder as well. Now go back to the potato mush and roll it into six balls. In three of them, stuff the middles with the chopped chicken; in the others, stuff them with cheese. Once they are stuffed, roll them in the bowl of breadcrumbs until they have a generous coating. Melt the remaining cheese in the microwave, and use it to top the three cheese croquetas.
Mix four packets of tartar sauce with four packets of ketchup to make some Thousand Island dressing. You will use it as you start to assemble each of the tapas dishes: onion rings draped with a dollop of the dressing, the cheese croquetas, the clams wrapped in bacon, the chicken papas rellenas (served with a dollop of dressing), the meatballs (served on a drizzle of Coke syrup, as well as brushed with some), the remaining bacon (a.k.a. jamón) garnished with parsley, and the chicken breast, also garnished with parsley after being brushed lightly with sweet Coke syrup.
Add toothpicks to the dishes, and then serve them with the glasses of “rosé.” ¡Buen provecho! ¡Es lo que quieres!
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