Chicken Mock Pie (Fancy Raising Cane’s)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Cheryl Triviño)

Raising Cane’s, a nationwide albeit lesser known fast food joint with locations from Vegas to Boston, doesn’t have a varied menu like McDonald’s or Wendy’s; they stick to the one thing they do best: chicken fingers. While this may be common knowledge to those who live near a Raising Cane’s, what one may not know is that the establishment is named after the founder’s dog, “Raising Cane” (both words, not just Cane).

With a dog having so much influence on this chicken finger chain, we here in the Fancy Fast Food kitchen left it up to our canine friends to help envision a fancy meal derived from Raising Canes — they barked at us in a very Lassie-like way.

What’s that boy? Uh huh… You say we have enough ingredients to make a mock chicken pot pie? But is that really that fancy? (more barking) What’s that boy? Uh huh… Yeah? Uh huh… You say chicken pot pie is in sophisticated food magazines and that the only people who would look down upon it are chichi elitist food snobs? Okay, good boy… Thatzha got boy…”

Ingredients (from Raising Cane’s):

• 1 Box Combo with:
• 4 chicken fingers
• 1 order of crinkle cut fries
• 1 piece of Texas toast
• 1 side of coleslaw
• 1 cup of water

First, peel the breading off the chicken fingers to expose the meat inside. Cube them with a knife and put them aside. Do the same to half of the fries. Combined with the coleslaw, you now have the basic ingredients for the mock pot pie filling — there may not be peas, but at least there’s some green in there for color, plus carrots. The only thing we need to fake is the gravy that blends everything within the pie, so we’ll have to improvise as always.

First, put the remaining uncut fries in a food processor and add some water. Blend it to a pulp. Next, strain the coleslaw over a skillet so that you extract all the watery mayonnaise. Add the potato pulp and some more water, cover it, and simmer on a low heat until it all blends together to a starchy “gravy.”

Put the cubed chicken, potatoes, and coleslaw into a mixing bowl. Fold in the “gravy” with these ingredients until they are blended well, and then scoop it into a ramekin.

As for the crust, we’ll also have to improvise. Break apart the Texas toast and blend it down with a little bit of water in a food processor. Knead the resulting “dough” and then roll it flat on a piece of wax paper with a rolling pin. Cover the ramekin with his mock crust, pinching the edges to seal in the moisture. Add textures to the edges with a fork.

Bake this “chicken mock pie” in a pre-heated oven at 400°F for 10 minutes, then use a fork to break through the crust to get to the filling inside. Be careful; it may not be a real chicken pot pie, but it sure steams up like one! (Woof!)

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chinese Cheemai Cheemai (Fancy Cheeburger Cheeburger)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Melissa Roach)

In Hong Kong and the Cantonese regions of southern China, food trolleys piled with steamy bamboo trays make their way around the tables at dim sum restaurants, serving everything from tripe to chicken feet. However, unadventurous Westerners who’d rather not put feet in their mouths usually favor one particular delicacy: the little dumpling known as shumai, usually filled with a filling of ground pork, shrimp, mushrooms, and/or chives.

You don’t have to travel halfway across the world to have shumai though; you only have to go as far as a selected airport, where the nationwide burger chain Cheeburger Cheeburger usually has a location. (Alternatively, you could just go to your local Chinese restaurant, but where’s the fun in that?) Just make sure you pack a good set of chopsticks, along with some creativity and culinary imagination — it’s going to take a little make-believe for this Fancy Fast Food mock recipe to seem passable for the real thing.

Ingredients (from Cheeburger Cheeburger):

• 2 Semi-Serious Cheeburgers (with onions, bell peppers, chopped garlic, and sautéed mushrooms, plus the signature olives on top)
• 1 small order of onion rings
• 1 medium Sierra Mist

It’s fitting that Cheeburger Cheeburger, that burger joint with the repetitive silly name, has a mid-sized burger called “The Semi-Serious” because we’re only going to be semi-serious about this mock recipe. Fancy Fast Food is all about styling food for looks over taste after all, and we’re going to make a couple of silly hamburgers look like shumai.

First, disassemble the burgers, saving the insides for later, and rip apart the buns into pieces. Put them in a food processor and add about 3 tablespoons of Sierra Mist so that it blends down to a semi-dry doughy mass that can be kneaded. Knead the dough and divide it into three equal parts for the three dumplings we’ll make. Using a rolling pin, roll one part of dough flat over a piece of wax paper. It should be spread out enough to cut out a circle using a bowl five inches in diameter. Then use a sharp knife to cut the perfect circle into an imperfect decagon; make sure you slice through the wax paper as well. Do this process two more times with the other two pieces of dough.

For the filling, take the remaining burgers and all the toppings (minus the olives a few pieces of green peppers) and put them in the food processor, along with some extra onions you extract out of the fried breading of the onion rings. Push the button and grind it all together.

Hold one of the faux, 10-sided shumai wrappings in your hand, and spoon in a small amount of the ground filling. Bring your fingers in to wrap the filling, creating a dumpling shape — the wax paper should keep the outsides from clumping together so you can make a nice folded texture. Peel away the wax paper when you have a decent looking “cheemai.” Repeat this process for the other two wrappings.

For garnish, mince the leftover green peppers to put on top of each of the “cheemai,” then serve them on a fancy white plate. And since each Cheeburger comes with an olive in a toothpick, you might as well put that in a martini glass and pour in some Sierra Mist to complement your faux meal with a faux cocktail. Now use your imagination, and find your inner Chee!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Valentine Culvoutis (Fancy Culver’s)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with help from Allison Jaffe and Stephanie Etkin)

Centuries ago, when the French came up with the baked dessert called clafoutis, little did they know that at a glance, the word looks like it might be a venereal disease. (“Merde! J’ai la clafoutis!”) However, the word actually refers to a sweet and buttery pastry baked with black cherries on top, originally from the Limousin region. Traditionally, clafoutis is baked and served in a round pan, but you can always improvise by using a heart-shaped one — so that you can make this V.D.-sounding treat for another V.D. (Valentine’s Day). You can further improvise à la Fancy Fast Food and make the entire thing from items from Midwestern fast food chain, Culver’s.

Ingredients (from Culver’s):

• 3 Original ButterBurgers
• 1 dish of frozen vanilla custard with cherries
• 2 extra cups of cherry topping
• 1 cup of water

First, remove all the cherries from the top of the custard. We won’t need the custard for the rest of the recipe, so go ahead and eat it before it melts. When you’re done, take those cherries, plus all the extra ones, and cut them into halves. Then rinse off all the sticky syrup using a colander.

For the buttery batter, we’ll use the buns from the ButterBurgers. Break them apart with your hands and put them in a food processor. Add a little water and blend it down until it becomes a nice doughy substance. Mold this dough into the bottom and sides of heart-shaped baking pans; add in cherries as you fill the inside. Bake them in a pre-heated oven for twenty minutes at 400°F, then let them cool before serving under candlelight for your special Valentine. And when V Day is over and your special someone wants more — even begging, “Pretty please with a cherry on top” — you’ll know just what to give them: indigestion.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.