Soniccian Borscht (Fancy Sonic)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Ralph and Nata Trinidad)

Unbeknownst to most of the world is the tiny Eastern European nation of Soniccia, a country whose traditions have carried on through the ages, even before the bleak days of the Soviet Union. So small that it is barely mentioned as a former Soviet republic, Soniccia strives to sustain a unique national identity in the post-Cold War era, much like its sibling nations — including Latvia, Ukraine, and Georgia. This distinction of national identity is most evident in Soniccian cuisine; while other former Soviet republics’ variations of the staple, beet-based soup of borscht remain in the savory category, Soniccia’s palate is bit more on the sweet side.

Ingredients (from Sonic):

• 2 large Cherry Limeades
• 2 orders of Apple Slices
• 1 Fresh Banana (from the Everyday Value Menu)
• 1 Vanilla Dish (ice cream)

Obtaining the above ingredients isn’t quite as easy as it is in most parts of the modern Western World. Soniccian culture still hasn’t evolve from some of its former Soviet routines; one can not simply buy these fast food goods off the shelf or by ordering them from a person behind a counter. Instead you must order the items the old-fashioned way, by pushing a button on an antiquated intercom system while inside your vehicle. (At certain times during the day, there are often long waits in a long queue of other vehicles.) This ordering process is prevalent in Soniccia; even if you wish to go on foot and walk to the food establishment to buy goods, you must still push a button and order from the old intercom system. Only when your order is confirmed over the speaker does a person bring you your items — sometimes (but not always) using vintage roller skates from the early 20th century. Present day Soniccia is truly a unique nation with its cultural idiosyncracies.

Anyway, once you have the ingredients and bring them home, you can start preparing the borscht. First, strain the two cherry limeades to extract and pour the red liquid into two separate pieces of cookware: a saucepan and a non-stick skillet.  Save the wedges of lime as you will use them for garnish later. Bring both the saucepan and skillet to a boil with high heat. While waiting for them to start bubbling, prepare the other items.

Slice the apple wedges with a sharp knife, following the curve of each apple wedge’s shape when it’s laying flat on a cutting board. (This will make them resemble shreds of cabbage.) Once you have a favorable amount of apple shreds, add them to the boiling pot of cherry limeade. Reduce to a low heat and let it simmer, allowing the apples to absorb the dark red color.

The contents of the skillet should boiling by now, but let it continue to boil, uncovered. This will eventually be reduced down to a thick red syrup. In the meantime, slice the bananas into smaller chunks. When the red syrup is ready, infuse the banana with it so that the chunks resemble beets.

The Soniccian borscht is almost ready for plating, but first let’s prepare the all-important green garnish. Slice the rinds off the lime wedges you saved from before and then chop them into smaller pieces.

Finally, assemble your sweet Soniccian delicacy: ladle out the apple-stewed soup into a fancy bowl and then add some beet-looking banana chunks. Instead of serving it with sour cream as they do in Russia and Poland, add a dollop of vanilla ice cream, and then garnish the top with the chopped lime zest. And there it is! Perfect for a hot summer day, whether you are in Eastern Europe or not!

NOTE: In case you hadn’t figured it out, this mock recipe is a work of fiction; the country of Soniccia doesn’t actually exist, and Sonic, “America’s Drive-In,” isn’t necessarily a part of, or endorse anything related to the former Soviet Union, Communism — or the Republican opinion of Obama’s healthcare plan, for that matter.

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Long John Ceviche (Fancy Long John Silver’s)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Elaine Acosta and Katy Garibay)

Avast, me hearties! Aye, there be no fast food chain that makes ye want to talk like a pirate more than Long John Silver’s — even if ye be walkin’ de plank. However, we are going to class up their pirate-themed fried seafood fare, and style a fancy ceviche dish that will appease the eyes of any landlubber.

Ingredients (from Long John Silver’s):

• 1 Two Fish and Eight Shrimp Platter
• 1 side order of corn*
• 1 side order of coleslaw*
• 1 soft drink of your choice
• a strip of organic lime zest (for garnish and a touch of irony)

This Fancy Fast Food mock recipe is fairly straightforward; the first step is to shave all the fried breading off the shrimp and the fish. Once the fish fillets are exposed, chop them into small bite-sized morsels. Do the same with five of the eight shrimp, making sure you cut off and discard the tails as well. Put all the seafood morsels in a mixing bowl, rinse the cole slaw, and then add it in along with the corn.

A proper Ecuadorean/Peruvian ceviche is prepared with raw fish “cooked” in a marinade of acidic citrus juices (which reduce the bacteria). Raw fish isn’t exactly available to order at Long John Silver’s, but they do have lemon juice packets. Add to the bowl plenty of lemon juice, as well as a few packets of malt vinegar to taste, and mix it all up with a rubber spatula. You can marinate this concoction in the fridge overnight if you want, but hey, this is a mock recipe that’s all about looks, so you don’t necessarily need to bother. (Also, the fish has already been “cooked” in a “marinade” of frying oil.)

Finally, let’s get fancy with the plating and serve our Long John Ceviche in a martini glass. Scoop out enough of the fishy mix to fill the glass just under the rim, and then garnish the top with the three remaining shrimp. Curl the strip of ironic lime zest, and now you have — shiver me timbers! — a gourmet-looking ceviche that looks good enough to eat. Remember to ring the bell, if ye did well! Yarrr…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

So everyone’s up in arms about this whole food movement thing, huh? Supermarkets and restaurants are all on this kick to be more sustainable, natural, and organic — even fast food chains are jumping on the bandwagon. One of the chains leading the charge is Chipotle (Mexican Grill), whose self-proclaimed “F.W.I. (Food With Integrity)” philosophy drives them to buy items only from environmentally- and natural-conscious farms. However, no matter how much effort they put in behind the scenes and strive for sustainable ingredients, the end result still looks like plain ol’ fast food. This is where Fancy Fast Food comes in…

Ingredients (from Chipotle Mexican Grill):

• 1 burrito with grilled chicken, fresh tomato salsa, cheese and lettuce (no rice or beans)
• 1 condiment cup of tomatillo-red chili salsa
• 1 soft drink of your choice
• organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, unwrap the burrito, stuffed with all that Food With Integrity, and then separate the ingredients: tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, and grilled chicken. Chipotle founder Steve Ells prides himself on serving food that isn’t processed, but now it’s time to get processin’…

Put the chicken in a food processor and grind it down to a paste-like substance that we can stuff into raviolis. We’ll need to make the raviolis by hand, starting by rinsing the empty tortilla. Then, using a ravioli stamp, cut out the first piece of “pasta.”

Scoop out a small amount of ground chicken and place it on top of the tortilla where you will cut out the other side. Place the first side on top and then cut through to the other side with the ravioli stamp. Pinch the edges of the ravioli closed with your fingers to seal in the chicken. (The tortilla should still be moist enough from the rinsing that it should fuse easily.)

Repeat this ravioli-making process until you have enough, or until you run out of tortilla.

To make a spicy sauce (with integrity), chop the tomatoes down to a pulp, and then add it to the tomatillo-red chili salsa and mix well. While you’re at it, chop the lettuce down into small pieces to use as a garnish.

Finally, plate your meal and make it fancy: carefully place the raviolis on a nice-looking plate, top it with the sauce you made, the chopped lettuce, and some cheese. Garnish it with ironic basil leaves and voila! It’s F.F.W.F. (Fast Food With Fanciness)!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.