Mock Gỏi Mực (Fancy BK Onion Rings) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

Despite Burger King’s new ad campaign that aims to highlight fresher ingredients — so fresh that they move in slow motion in TV spots, because that’s what fresh items apparently do — the onion rings are the same as they’ve been for decades. I’m not talking about the onions you may find in the Whopper; I mean the onion rings you can substitute for fries for — an option that has always kept BK unique against its French fry toting competitors. But have you ever peeled away the breading from one of those things? There’s not a ring of real onion inside; it’s this weird extrusion of oniony pulp, molded into a ring shape that sort of feels like squid. With that said, let’s play with our food and pretend they are, while being inspired by Vietnamese cuisine. Why not? As they say at BK, have it your way.

Ingredients (from Burger King):

• 1 large order of Onion Rings
• 1 Garden Salad with lite Italian dressing
• packets of ketchup
• PLUS: a banana leaf (for a presentation bed of irony)

To make this mock gỏi mực, or Vietnamese squid salad, we need our mock squid first. Using your fingers, peel away the breading from each of the rings, being careful not to tear the ring apart. It’s okay if you do though (it’s inevitable), but that’s okay; squid, fake or not, can be cut in different ways. Pile all the mock calamari rings and pieces and lightly rinse them in a strainer to clean off any residual crumbs. Don’t wet it too much or they’ll fall apart.

Next, pick apart the salad. Take the darkest of the greens and coarsely chop them. Slice the carrots sticks the long way until you have many more of them. Chop the tomatoes and the red cabbage. Toss all those ingredients, along with the mock squid, in a big mixing bowl with a little bit of dressing.

Finally, the plating: cut the banana leaf to the size of a fancy plate, and simply transfer the mock gỏi mực on top. Serve with a squeeze of chili paste-looking ketchup. Ăn ngon nhé!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Kitschy Galantine of Chicken (Fancy KGC) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

In recent years, KFC — Kentucky Fried Chicken — has jumped on the healthier fast food bandwagon by grilling their chicken — which is quite a feat knowing that the Colonel already has a lot on his To Do list, let alone getting his white suit all dirty with marinade. KFC blatantly promotes their Kentucky Grilled Chicken so much they have even come up with the acronym, KGC, which isn’t just three letters for conversation; it’s printed on all their paper cups, boxes, and buckets. However, the name of the fast food chain is still KFC, and any KFV (Kentucky Fried Virgin) may wonder what all this KGC business is about — it can stand for anything, like so many acronyms on the Internet. How about a fancy, yet Kitschy Galantine of Chicken? LOL

Ingredients (from KFC):

• 3 Kentucky Grilled Chicken breasts
• 1 small Coleslaw
• PLUS: organic watercress (for an added touch of irony)

The French preparation of a galantine is similar to that of a roulade, in that it is meat, stuffed, rolled up and then sliced into servings like slices of bologna. The main distinction that a galantine has over a roulade is that all the fillings and poultry meat are stuffed into the skin of the bird of which it came — which IMHO sounds like a twisted mad scientist joke, but hey, if it’s good enough for Jacques Pépin, than we can at least improvise with what we have to work with at KGC.

First, use a paring knife to carefully cut and peel away the skin from each of the chicken breasts. You’ll find that you may not get a full slab of skin, but as long as you can still extract a narrow piece that is the full length of the chicken piece, you should be okay.

Next, debone the rest of the chicken breasts, and put all the white meat in a food processor. Add in all of the coleslaw, including the liquid, and then chop it all until it becomes a smooth paté.

If we had a whole bird to play with, we’d be stuffing this mix into a bigger slab of chicken skin, but we’ll just have to scoop out enough for each of the strips of breast skin we cut off. Roll the mixture in the skin, and encase it all. Then use a sharp knife to cut even slices out of the makeshift galantine.

Typically, the slices that come out of a proper galantine are bigger, so what you can do is press in some more of the paté into each of the slices until is expands outwards. Use your fingers maintain the circular formation while keeping the skin around the edge. After you’ve made enough to serve, stick it in the fridge for a while; galantines are typically served cold. BRB

Arrange your slices of Kitschy Gallantine of Chicken onto a fancy white plate, and then garnish with some ironic watercress. Voilà! KGC, meet FFF. OMG! WTF?

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

McBibimbap (Fancy McDonald’s VI)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food (with support from Emily Feinberg and some assistance from Hong Choi)

On a trip to Seoul, my Korean friend pointed out that many young Korean women are obsessed with taking pictures of “food porn.” Wherever we went out to eat, I saw evidence of this; in every restaurant, at least one Korean girl would have a big SLR camera and shoot pictures of her food, like some sort of paparazzo. Granted, the food in front of the lens was something of a stylish meal; Korean food, like Japanese food, has a certain aesthetic in its presentation — only it takes a lot more table space because those assortment of little banchan side dishes seem to take up every available bit of room.

Here’s a meal that Korean women would probably dare not take a photo of: a McDonald’s combo number 6, with a couple of salads, and two breakfast sandwiches — unless it was transformed into a mock bibimbap (a bowl of meat and mixed vegetables over rice, topped with a fried egg) the Fancy Fast Food way. Here’s how:

Ingredients (from McDonald’s):

• 1 Angus Mushroom & Swiss Burger
• 1 Egg McMuffin
• 1 Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit
• 2 Premium Caesar Salads
• 1 large fries
• 1 bottle of water
• 1 soft drink of your choice
• packets of Hot Picante Sauce
• packets of ketchup

First, shave off all the sesame seeds of the burger’s bun; we’ll use that for garnish later. Take apart the burger and scrape off all the mushrooms into a strainer or colander. Rinse them all under a sink to wash out the mayonnaise. Peel away the Swiss cheese — we don’t need it — and take a knife to the burger patty. Bias cut it into diagonal slices and set it aside.

McDonald’s doesn’t exactly serve rice, but they have plenty of starch in their famous fries. Chop the fries into small, rice grain-like pieces, and pile them up. Mince them down a little more to reduce their hard corners and then put them in a steamer and steam them for about 10-15 minutes. This will soften it up and give it a surprising texture of brown rice.

To make a mock kimchi (Korean spicy pickled cabbage), pick out all the lighter leaves of lettuce in the salads. Pour in a tiny bit of water, plus packets of the hot sauce and a couple of ketchups. Stir it all up until it looks like kimchi, complete with the occasional speck of red.

There are only so many carrot shreds found in a single salad, so pick out all the carrots from both salads. Slice them into strips the long way, so you have a nice pile for the dish when we plate it.

Scoop all the fake McRice into a fancy black bowl. Then place your items on top in a aesthetically pleasing way, in sections: the slices of beef, the mushrooms, the sliced carrots, the mock kimchi, and some of the darker greens from the salads. No bibimbap — fake or otherwise — is complete without a fried egg on top, and with McDonald’s lack of one on their menu, we’ll have to improvise.

Take the cooked egg from the Egg McMuffin and slice it in half along its side; it is mostly white and we’ll use that part for the egg white of our fake fried egg. To make the yolk, take the yellow scrambled egg from the breakfast biscuit. It’s not exactly the same hue of a yolk — but the cheese is, so pile that on top. Microwave it for 15 seconds so it melts down, and spread a layer over the egg. Then take a tablespoon to cut and carve out an almost perfect yolk-looking semi-bubble. Place that on the egg white and it’s a bit convincing — those Korean girls might not even be able to tell the difference!

Finally, garnish the top with some spicy gochujang-looking ketchup and the sesame seeds from the bun. Serve with the remaining mock kimchi on the side and your beverage of choice. 잘 먹겠습니다!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.