Chicken Chipotlioli (Fancy Chipotle Mexican Grill) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

So everyone’s up in arms about this whole food movement thing, huh? Supermarkets and restaurants are all on this kick to be more sustainable, natural, and organic — even fast food chains are jumping on the bandwagon. One of the chains leading the charge is Chipotle (Mexican Grill), whose self-proclaimed “F.W.I. (Food With Integrity)” philosophy drives them to buy items only from environmentally- and natural-conscious farms. However, no matter how much effort they put in behind the scenes and strive for sustainable ingredients, the end result still looks like plain ol’ fast food. This is where Fancy Fast Food comes in…

Ingredients (from Chipotle Mexican Grill):

• 1 burrito with grilled chicken, fresh tomato salsa, cheese and lettuce (no rice or beans)
• 1 condiment cup of tomatillo-red chili salsa
• 1 soft drink of your choice
• organic basil leaves (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, unwrap the burrito, stuffed with all that Food With Integrity, and then separate the ingredients: tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, and grilled chicken. Chipotle founder Steve Ells prides himself on serving food that isn’t processed, but now it’s time to get processin’…

Put the chicken in a food processor and grind it down to a paste-like substance that we can stuff into raviolis. We’ll need to make the raviolis by hand, starting by rinsing the empty tortilla. Then, using a ravioli stamp, cut out the first piece of “pasta.”

Scoop out a small amount of ground chicken and place it on top of the tortilla where you will cut out the other side. Place the first side on top and then cut through to the other side with the ravioli stamp. Pinch the edges of the ravioli closed with your fingers to seal in the chicken. (The tortilla should still be moist enough from the rinsing that it should fuse easily.)

Repeat this ravioli-making process until you have enough, or until you run out of tortilla.

To make a spicy sauce (with integrity), chop the tomatoes down to a pulp, and then add it to the tomatillo-red chili salsa and mix well. While you’re at it, chop the lettuce down into small pieces to use as a garnish.

Finally, plate your meal and make it fancy: carefully place the raviolis on a nice-looking plate, top it with the sauce you made, the chopped lettuce, and some cheese. Garnish it with ironic basil leaves and voila! It’s F.F.W.F. (Fast Food With Fanciness)!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Paella Yoshinolla (Fancy Yoshinoya) by Erik of Fancy Fast Food

This Valentine’s Day, spice up your gastronomic love life with a little shichimi-togarashi (Japanese seven spice chili powder) — you can find some at the Japanese-imported fast food chain Yoshinoya! And while you’re at the The Original Beef Bowl eatery, you might as well pick up some items to tweak à la Fancy Fast Food and make a romantic-looking dinner — assuming you don’t mind giving that special someone the gift of acid reflux. (Better tell Cupid to pack the Tums.)

Ingredients (from Yoshinoya):

• 1 Beef Short Rib and Chicken Plate
• 1 Grilled Shrimp Bowl
• 1 miso soup
• 1 chicken vegetable soup
• 1 side order of steamed vegetables
• 2 condiment cups of shichimi-togarashi (seven spice chili powder)
• 2 condiment cups of beni shoga (pickled ginger)
• 2 soft drinks of your choice

For this romantic-looking dinner, we are going to be inspired not by Japan, but by Spain — the passionate and amorous country that brought us the sensuous dance of flamenco and the aphrodisiacal delicacy of paella. In fact, we are going to fake a paella from our Yoshinoya ingredients.

First, take all the rice from your bowls and plates and spread it evenly at the base of a pan. Add the broth from the soups and simmer over a low heat. Then collect all your vegetables from the bowls and plates and add those to the stewing mixture as well.

Since we don’t have the traditional coloring spice of saffron, we are going to spice things up with the colorful Japanese chili powder. Distribute it evenly so that it infuses with all the rice and broth, and stir — it will look like you are actually making a real paella (convincing enough for any request to “kiss the cook.”)

There are as many styles of paella as there are types of fillings in a box of chocolate bon-bons, and for this “yoshinolla” version we’re going to add chicken, shrimp, and chorizo. Of course we don’t actually have Spanish sausage, so we’ll have to improvise and cut the beef short ribs into sliced sausage shapes. Slice the chicken while you’re at it, and butterfly the shrimp. Chances are you’re not getting the freshest shrimp money can buy, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Transfer the rice to a proper paella pan and garnish the top with your three meats, as well as some strips of pickled ginger for an additional splash of color. Then break out the candles or turn the lights low to set the mood. Pour your beverages in fancy wine glasses and tada!: a romantic-looking Valentine’s dinner for you and your loved one. It should go without say that it’s probably not going to be the best tasting “paella” you’ve had since you faked it — and faking it in the kitchen might lead to faking it in another room in the house — so make sure you have some backup reservations somewhere…

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.

Beef Strog ‘n Off (Fancy Steak ‘n Shake)
by Erik of Fancy Fast Food, with support from Bill Massey

Cold winter got you down? Warm up as the Russians do — with a little old-fashioned Beef Stroganoff — before attempting to make this fake, albeit fancy version of it.

Ingredients:

• 2 Grilled Portobello ‘n Mushroom Steakburgers
• 1 Classic Vanilla Milk Shake
• 1 side order of onion rings
• 1 side order of cottage cheese
• organic dill weed (for garnish and a touch of irony)

First, remove all the mushrooms and onions from the steakburgers. Since we have a side of onion rings, we might as well debread those and add those to the pile as well. Take them all and start stir frying them up on a skillet. Next, take the beef patties and chop them into smaller bite-sized pieces. Add those to the skillet as well.

Stroganoff is traditionally made with sour cream, but due to the lack of that one important ingredient, we are going to improvise. It’s Steak ‘n Shake after all, and we’ve already added the steak to the skillet — so why not add the shake? It sort of looks like sour cream, and if you didn’t already figure it out, this site is all about the looks, folks. The melted ice cream is obviously not sour, which is why cottage cheese should be added to the mix as well. Mush and smooth out the cottage cheese curds, and let the whole thing simmer on a low heat.

To make the noodles, let’s start by converting the buns back into dough: break apart pieces of the bread and put them in a food processor. Add a little shake or cottage cheese whey to give it a little liquid, and then blend. You now have a wad of dough that you can knead, fold, roll, and run through a pasta maker with the fettuccine attachment.

Put your freshly made pasta in the center of a fancy bowl, and then mix in your beef Strog ‘n Off concoction. Garnish with ironic dill and serve — hopefully your stomach will be “strong enough.” Chances are this dish will not exactly sit well with you on a cold winter day, which is why you could also just do another thing the Russians do, and get yourself a shot of vodka. Na zdorovia!

If you are viewing this recipe in an aggregator (like tumblr’s Dashboard), or as a reblogged post, please check out the real website at FancyFastFood.com.